Desire

I'm learning. Every day.
How much God is calling me into further ministry.
Exactly what that is, I don't know. But it's searching for me, and I'm searching for it.
I can't get it out of my head.
I can't leave it out of my thoughts.
It stays in my mind.
All day.

Every day. My burden grows stronger, my senses heighten.
Everyone's flesh will: always be there. You can't pray not to have worldly desires, you have to pray how to deal with those.
One of the keys to life is to truly know yourself.
What stage you're in.
What makes you tick.
What makes you tock.
Your struggles.
Your strong points.

Currently, I'm working on falling in love with Jesus. Because without that, a love on earth will be less than successful.
Every day is a battle not to be part of the norm.
You must ask yourself if you're going to choose to be authentic, or choose to be accepted.
It's a thousand times more difficult to be authentic.
Will we fail? Um. Duh.
Should we stop after we fail? No.
The key to mistakes is waking up the next morning with intent to live a life of pure holiness, kind words, generous giving, and sheer dedication to live for Him.

I refuse to be a Christian atheist: to believe in God but live as if He doesn't exist.
It's scary how easy it is to live like that.

Keep on keepin' on.

trust, and learn.

About 4 months ago, I started listening to Dave Ramsey. He's the world's finest financial gurus and helps more people get out of debt than anybody can shake a stick at.
I'm currently not really in debt. Only thing I'm looking at is school loans that I will eventually start having to pay off, give or take a few years.
I may never be rich. But I refuse to stupidly live in debt. Especially when I'm older.
I cut up my credit card about two months ago, and I'm using more and more cash.
I'm saving. I'm being wise. I'm sticking more and more to my budget.
I don't want to live paycheck by paycheck.
I want to live willing to give, willing to save, willing to invest into the things of God with all of my resources.
Proverbs 22:7 states that "The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender."
I may not be rich, but I will definitely work my way up. If you can do simple math, you can figure out that if you invest properly, anybody can become rich in the end. I want to prepare for my future. I want to invest properly into my future AND the things of God. It's not that hard.

I don't know everything, but I'm sure as heck learning.

yeah.

work
school
bible studies
marathon training
piano lessons
having a social life
church
youth music
district events.

yeah. something's gotta give.

Goals for this semester

1. Last semester, I wanted to bring 15 people to church with me. I failed, by only getting 6.
This semester, I will accomplish that goal of 15.

2. I want to extend my friend list in the area of culture. I want to reach out to minorities, especially the Hispanic and Asian people, of which many attend Oshkosh.

3. I will start the youth choir at church.

4. Get down to weight of 210 (which would be a total weight loss of 40 lbs in 2010)

5. Run a marathon. No, seriously.

6. Develop my daily devotions more. And stick with them.

7. Not argue as much with others (especially my family)

8. Complete the 8 books to read on my list.

9. Get at least a 3.75 this semester.

10. Live life as a true Christian. Inside and out.

listen.

Don't get upset when people correct you...when they stop correcting you, that means they've given up on you.

When people confront you, when people try to help you....listen.

Chances are, when you think everybody is wrong, they're right. And you're the wrong one.

Listen. Let people speak into your lives.

Tonight, I had one of those moments. I got confronted, I let that person speak.

Even when you don't want to listen, listen. Even when that person is somebody you don't wanna listen to, listen.

Maybe that person is the one thing keeping you in your right mind.

Listen.

Listen until it hurts. Then listen some more.

But more than just listen to words. Listen for change. Listen to change. Listen so they can do what God called them to be, so you can be who God called you to be.

Who are you?

When you don't know you who are, you need to find out.

1. Take stock of your life. What are your obligations? What are your accomplishments? What are your failures? Be honest with yourself. All of these things make you who you are.

2. Where would you like to make changes? Are you happy in your present self? What areas can you improve on?

3. What gives you happiness? Learn to make time for yourself. Fill that time with things that make you happy. Find a hobby. Play with your kids. If going out to dinner is relaxing for you do it, if it's taking a really long shower, go for it.

4. What exactly do you believe in? Do you live your beliefs or just reaffirm them on Sunday morning? Take a few minutes in the morning and evening to pray and read your Bible. It's uplifting.

5. Be thankful!!! Remember, you are blessed. Through your experiences, opportunities, etc, you have been blessed by God.

You are what you make out of your life.

ahora.

everything is becoming a bit clearer

the not so clear lines.

Just wanted to give a shout out to the recently new readers and appreciators of my blog. I ramble a lot and try to throw in some common sense and somewhat deep thoughts here and there.
The next segment is a few thoughts directed towards anonymous people.
Don't worry, if you're reading this, i'm not talking to you. Guaranteed.

1.
I hate how our friendship ended. I hate that it took all of that. I relied on you, you relied on me. We were tight. And in a matter of weeks. It just fell apart. Shattered, to say the least. Now, we've resorted to maybe a text every month or so. When we see each other, we talk a lot. We talk about good times. The good 'ol days. We always say we have to talk more, but it never happens. You wanted more than what I was willing to give. You weren't willing to develop your own lifestyle, but wanted others. Then you eventually caved in to those that were already unraveling the mere fabric of your life.

2.
Every day, I realize how much I love you. You're literally like a brother to me. I don't even consider you a friend anymore. I talk to you more than i talk to anybody on the face of this earth. Some may call it gay. I call it incredibly heterosexual love. But whatever. I can't imagine not seeing you for more than a few days. I've grown to appreciate you, your family, and those you love as well. You inspire me, lift my spirits, constantly stretch my vocabulary in odd ways, and never cease to make me laugh. You, my friend are amazing. And that's why you're my best friend in the entire world.

3.
I don't think i've ever been more disappointed in another human being than I am in you. You were the closest person to me for a long time. When i think about you, i hurt. I hurt more than you'll ever know. You strayed so far away from God and how you were raised that I don't even know how it happened. You must have been lying to me for many, many months, because people don't crumble in a day, it's a slow fade (thank you casting crowns). A lot of my good taste in music came from your love for music. You inspired me to run my first half marathon and start training this year to run a full one. You inspired me to be a better person. A better man. A better guy in treating women. And you threw it all away. For what? I still don't know what you see in the desired life you're living right now. I don't know if you think you're too far gone to come back now? I just don't know. I'd welcome you back into my life, any day of my life.

4.
I don't even know where to start with you. You left so fast that I barely had time to blink. I cried for days you know. And you never said good bye. You just up and left. Why? I still don't know. I'm not sure if I ever will. Maybe it's best that way. You were my mentor, but more, my friend. Did you not have the strength to maintain what was difficult? Maybe next time you face a challenge, you could try growing a pair and dealing with it. It's what I did. Yeah, life sucks. Apparently you never learned how to face challenges. Good luck with life. You seem to be doing fine, anyways.

5.
I can honestly say, if you weren't in my life, I wouldn't be typing these words right now. I don't know where I'd be. You saved me. From everything. I was going down a path not right for my life, and you helped me. I was dealing with a lot more than i even knew how to deal with. Many times you were honest, and told me "I'm not sure even I know what to tell you what to do. but i'm praying for you, and i'm here when you need to talk". You're one of my favorite people in the entire world. You challenge me, support me, always give me thought provoking questions, and never steer me down the wrong path.





..So what's worse, telling people EXACTLY how you feel, or never telling them?
Both have pros and cons. And i don't know which has more or less.
Some say it's better to just go and say it. But then there's the what if.
Whatever. Sometimes it's good to just get it out in writing whether you ever tell them or not.

. and not ?

Today. Tuesday, June 1st, 2010.
I realized how much God has plans for my life that I can't orchestrate.
There's things happening that I can't even fathom where they're headed.
From random connections, to on the spot schedulings, to short notice concerts.
I am in the will of God, and I smile because of that.
Certain things that used to bother me, don't.
I don't worry where I'm going to be in 5 years. Know why? Because my life is in God's hands.
People complain how God's will is confusing, which may seem to be true. But once we completely give our lives to God, it's not confusing because we don't try and figure everything else out.

I'm changing questions into statements. When I question God, I change it into what I know God is, who He is, and what I know He's capable of.

future

God has incredible plans for me.
And I don't even know all of them.
But they're bigger than I can even handle.
And they involve those closest to me right now.
And I'm so excited.

That's all.