Jun 11, 2010
Jun 7, 2010
the not so clear lines.
Just wanted to give a shout out to the recently new readers and appreciators of my blog. I ramble a lot and try to throw in some common sense and somewhat deep thoughts here and there.
The next segment is a few thoughts directed towards anonymous people.
Don't worry, if you're reading this, i'm not talking to you. Guaranteed.
1.
I hate how our friendship ended. I hate that it took all of that. I relied on you, you relied on me. We were tight. And in a matter of weeks. It just fell apart. Shattered, to say the least. Now, we've resorted to maybe a text every month or so. When we see each other, we talk a lot. We talk about good times. The good 'ol days. We always say we have to talk more, but it never happens. You wanted more than what I was willing to give. You weren't willing to develop your own lifestyle, but wanted others. Then you eventually caved in to those that were already unraveling the mere fabric of your life.
2.
Every day, I realize how much I love you. You're literally like a brother to me. I don't even consider you a friend anymore. I talk to you more than i talk to anybody on the face of this earth. Some may call it gay. I call it incredibly heterosexual love. But whatever. I can't imagine not seeing you for more than a few days. I've grown to appreciate you, your family, and those you love as well. You inspire me, lift my spirits, constantly stretch my vocabulary in odd ways, and never cease to make me laugh. You, my friend are amazing. And that's why you're my best friend in the entire world.
3.
I don't think i've ever been more disappointed in another human being than I am in you. You were the closest person to me for a long time. When i think about you, i hurt. I hurt more than you'll ever know. You strayed so far away from God and how you were raised that I don't even know how it happened. You must have been lying to me for many, many months, because people don't crumble in a day, it's a slow fade (thank you casting crowns). A lot of my good taste in music came from your love for music. You inspired me to run my first half marathon and start training this year to run a full one. You inspired me to be a better person. A better man. A better guy in treating women. And you threw it all away. For what? I still don't know what you see in the desired life you're living right now. I don't know if you think you're too far gone to come back now? I just don't know. I'd welcome you back into my life, any day of my life.
4.
I don't even know where to start with you. You left so fast that I barely had time to blink. I cried for days you know. And you never said good bye. You just up and left. Why? I still don't know. I'm not sure if I ever will. Maybe it's best that way. You were my mentor, but more, my friend. Did you not have the strength to maintain what was difficult? Maybe next time you face a challenge, you could try growing a pair and dealing with it. It's what I did. Yeah, life sucks. Apparently you never learned how to face challenges. Good luck with life. You seem to be doing fine, anyways.
5.
I can honestly say, if you weren't in my life, I wouldn't be typing these words right now. I don't know where I'd be. You saved me. From everything. I was going down a path not right for my life, and you helped me. I was dealing with a lot more than i even knew how to deal with. Many times you were honest, and told me "I'm not sure even I know what to tell you what to do. but i'm praying for you, and i'm here when you need to talk". You're one of my favorite people in the entire world. You challenge me, support me, always give me thought provoking questions, and never steer me down the wrong path.
..So what's worse, telling people EXACTLY how you feel, or never telling them?
Both have pros and cons. And i don't know which has more or less.
Some say it's better to just go and say it. But then there's the what if.
Whatever. Sometimes it's good to just get it out in writing whether you ever tell them or not.
The next segment is a few thoughts directed towards anonymous people.
Don't worry, if you're reading this, i'm not talking to you. Guaranteed.
1.
I hate how our friendship ended. I hate that it took all of that. I relied on you, you relied on me. We were tight. And in a matter of weeks. It just fell apart. Shattered, to say the least. Now, we've resorted to maybe a text every month or so. When we see each other, we talk a lot. We talk about good times. The good 'ol days. We always say we have to talk more, but it never happens. You wanted more than what I was willing to give. You weren't willing to develop your own lifestyle, but wanted others. Then you eventually caved in to those that were already unraveling the mere fabric of your life.
2.
Every day, I realize how much I love you. You're literally like a brother to me. I don't even consider you a friend anymore. I talk to you more than i talk to anybody on the face of this earth. Some may call it gay. I call it incredibly heterosexual love. But whatever. I can't imagine not seeing you for more than a few days. I've grown to appreciate you, your family, and those you love as well. You inspire me, lift my spirits, constantly stretch my vocabulary in odd ways, and never cease to make me laugh. You, my friend are amazing. And that's why you're my best friend in the entire world.
3.
I don't think i've ever been more disappointed in another human being than I am in you. You were the closest person to me for a long time. When i think about you, i hurt. I hurt more than you'll ever know. You strayed so far away from God and how you were raised that I don't even know how it happened. You must have been lying to me for many, many months, because people don't crumble in a day, it's a slow fade (thank you casting crowns). A lot of my good taste in music came from your love for music. You inspired me to run my first half marathon and start training this year to run a full one. You inspired me to be a better person. A better man. A better guy in treating women. And you threw it all away. For what? I still don't know what you see in the desired life you're living right now. I don't know if you think you're too far gone to come back now? I just don't know. I'd welcome you back into my life, any day of my life.
4.
I don't even know where to start with you. You left so fast that I barely had time to blink. I cried for days you know. And you never said good bye. You just up and left. Why? I still don't know. I'm not sure if I ever will. Maybe it's best that way. You were my mentor, but more, my friend. Did you not have the strength to maintain what was difficult? Maybe next time you face a challenge, you could try growing a pair and dealing with it. It's what I did. Yeah, life sucks. Apparently you never learned how to face challenges. Good luck with life. You seem to be doing fine, anyways.
5.
I can honestly say, if you weren't in my life, I wouldn't be typing these words right now. I don't know where I'd be. You saved me. From everything. I was going down a path not right for my life, and you helped me. I was dealing with a lot more than i even knew how to deal with. Many times you were honest, and told me "I'm not sure even I know what to tell you what to do. but i'm praying for you, and i'm here when you need to talk". You're one of my favorite people in the entire world. You challenge me, support me, always give me thought provoking questions, and never steer me down the wrong path.
..So what's worse, telling people EXACTLY how you feel, or never telling them?
Both have pros and cons. And i don't know which has more or less.
Some say it's better to just go and say it. But then there's the what if.
Whatever. Sometimes it's good to just get it out in writing whether you ever tell them or not.
Jun 1, 2010
. and not ?
Today. Tuesday, June 1st, 2010.
I realized how much God has plans for my life that I can't orchestrate.
There's things happening that I can't even fathom where they're headed.
From random connections, to on the spot schedulings, to short notice concerts.
I am in the will of God, and I smile because of that.
Certain things that used to bother me, don't.
I don't worry where I'm going to be in 5 years. Know why? Because my life is in God's hands.
People complain how God's will is confusing, which may seem to be true. But once we completely give our lives to God, it's not confusing because we don't try and figure everything else out.
I'm changing questions into statements. When I question God, I change it into what I know God is, who He is, and what I know He's capable of.
I realized how much God has plans for my life that I can't orchestrate.
There's things happening that I can't even fathom where they're headed.
From random connections, to on the spot schedulings, to short notice concerts.
I am in the will of God, and I smile because of that.
Certain things that used to bother me, don't.
I don't worry where I'm going to be in 5 years. Know why? Because my life is in God's hands.
People complain how God's will is confusing, which may seem to be true. But once we completely give our lives to God, it's not confusing because we don't try and figure everything else out.
I'm changing questions into statements. When I question God, I change it into what I know God is, who He is, and what I know He's capable of.
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