future

God has incredible plans for me.
And I don't even know all of them.
But they're bigger than I can even handle.
And they involve those closest to me right now.
And I'm so excited.

That's all.

that which isn't easy. that which is right.

Each day, I realize more and more how much I truly desire the will of God, and how much I truly trust Him.
I am needing direction in my life. Not just “God help me through this day” kind of prayer.
But “God what am I doing with my life?”
It’s funny to be in that situation, because when we put our lives in His hands, he will begin to show us things, but not enough. Because if He showed us everything, we’d either get scared and run away or not believe it would be possible. God’s plans for our lives are bigger than we can imagine.
I feel that God wants more ministry in my life than what I’m going to school for.
Yeah, obviously I’m going to school for a career, and to have stability in my life. But I also feel higher callings to develop ministries.
God has called me to music ministry. But He’s also called me to more. Youth is a new ministry that I’ve developed through the past year in my life, and I feel a burden more each day for them.
Guys in particular.
Last night I teared up during the youth service because 5 youth got up and spoke on “endurance”. They explained: Setting goals, convincing yourself to never give up, facing the fear of failure, difficulties accepting the love of God, and realizing none of us are in this alone.
Last night was dreams being put in to place. Callings being answered. Two of the people that spoke have felt a call to preach.
I can only sit here and begin to tear up again writing this, thinking about how much God is going to use them.
We also had our guys group on sexual purity, and as we all sat in a circle and spoke transparently about this topic, I began to see lives completely transformed. Guys that weren’t interested in church before, suddenly call and text me with scriptures and thoughts on this thing called “Christianity”.
I can’t help but feel extremely proud for those striving for the high calling.
I can’t help but appreciate those who answer the call to complete holiness. Even when it’s easier not to.
That’s what it’s all about.
Remember, when you make a decision, take a stand, or answer the call, you will always receive opposition. Whether it be from the enemy or your closest friend.
Be prepared.
It’s not easy to follow God’s call. But when we stop trying to make everything complicated and let God do His job, it suddenly becomes a little more understandable.

I am not my own.
1 Cor 6:20

Summer Goals

Jotting down just a few goals for this summer (and i may add as i go):

-Weight goal: 215. So i need to lose 17 lbs to achieve that by the end of the summer.

-Attend various festivals in the state, simply for the heck of it and to appreciate this crazy state.

-Get every guy in the youth group through "Every Young Man's Battle"

-Mentor the young musicians in our church.

-Fall deeper in love with God than I ever have before and completely rely on His will for my life.

-Have a little more solidity to where I'd like to go in life as far as career direction, etc.

-work like crazy. play like crazy.

-hang out with youth kids during the week and be a mentor to them.

-baby step 1 in the eyes of Dave Ramsey

-save $

it

Sara Bareilles doesn't want to fall another moment into it. It always brings us back. It never stays too long.

Pixie Lott thinks it pulls us back into old ways.

It brings people together. And pushes on others, in the eyes of Coldplay.

Others like David Archleta feel better, as if the world disappears, when there's none of it.

For some like Shawn McDonald, it only leaves emptiness and tears.

Allison Krauss believes this is the only thing God needs to hold us down.

Embrace shows how it turns in directions for some.

Soul Decision blames it for holding out on them.

If it were love, we could get up when we fall in the mind of Poets of the Fall.

Wicked claims it should be defied.

According to John Mayer, it's working against us, and it wants to bring us down.








Gravity.

i am not my own

Sometimes the will of God isn't easy. Sometimes it straight up sucks.
Sometimes it comes in and changes all your plans.
But you have to listen. As much as it hurts.
I can't deal with the thought of hurting others.
The pain in that is, at times, worse than my own.

It catches me different ways. It comes in waves.
Everything will be alright. Sometime it will be better. Somehow it will ease. Someway it will be easier.

I know God has me in His hands, and He knows what he's doing. And i have to trust in that. I have to. If i don't, it seems like i'm living in oblivion and in an endless sea of questions [because that's what it feels like in my life right now], but i rely not on myself but on that of which is *jealous for me.

God cannot lie. And when He told me He has a will for my life, he wasn't kidding. At times my life feels like a string of jokes. But it's no joke. I may not understand what God is doing or why it feels like as soon as I know where i'm going, everything changes. But i must trust. True trust comes when we don't understand.

I'll trust You. Lord, it's not easy. Sometimes the pain in my life makes You seem far away. But I'll trust You.

I am not my own. For I was bought with a price.

No matter the cost.

What is the will of God?
People will argue about predestination until the end of the world. I don’t believe predestination exists, nor do I believe it should be a part of any Christian’s viewpoints.
However, I do feel that God has a will for our lives. I like to think of the will of God as a street grid.
Every street we take, comes with turns.
Since God is omniscient, aka all knowing, he knows exactly what street we’re gonna take.
If we turn left, it leads to an entirely new list of turns and directions and available options. God knows where all of those roads lead to. He knows where every turn ends up. But, ultimately it’s our decision as to which path we’re going to take.
This is cool, yet scary. I want the will of God for my life. God wants his will for my life. But, God gave us free will. He won’t step into our lives and force His will on us.
He is prepared to bail us out if we fail. He is prepared to get us back on track when we stumble.
I pray every day for the will of God in my life. Even if I don’t understand what his will is, or if I can’t figure out what it is.
I may want something, but if it’s not God’s will, I don’t want it either. That’s when we need to pray like it’s goin out of style.
I feel that during times of uncertainty on the will of God, He uses people he’s placed in our lives to speak to us. This nifty little trick is called mentors. Those you are accountable to and mentor you can speak sometimes for the voice of God, He can give them direction and can help you when you don’t know what to do.
Sometimes we can pray so much that God will do something, that our vision for His will has become blurred.
But nonetheless, we must pray. And fast. And pray. And fast. And pray till it hurts. And fast till it feels like it’s gonna kills you.
Those that have spiritual leadership in our lives are our shepherds. They’ve put time into you. They want the best for you. It’s good to listen to them.
I am at a point in my life where I don’t know the will of God for my life.
Therefore, I’m seeking guidance. I’m looking to my mentors to help me. I’m praying. I’m fasting.
Sometimes it just feels like I could spontaneously burst out in tears because I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I have it under control, then God shows me that I don’t.
I get in this “ah, I’m fine, I can do this” mode, then I realize I can’t do this thing called life by myself.


The will of God. At any cost.

Pink- "Glitter in the Air"

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?
Tonight

and so it goes

Honesty. That's all i want.
No games. No cliches.
No necesito saber el camino por la vida entera, solo quiero saber que pasa ahora.

Where words fail, music speaks. And even my music is beginning to question me.

Accountability

This is a key factor in a successful life. WIthout a doubt. Those who are accountable to others know one thing: they need those they are accountable to, and without them, they'd fail. I personally have 5 people in my life I am accountable to for various things. I keep in touch with some of them daily, some weekly. How can we continue walking in will of God with nobody to be accountable to? I'm not saying it's impossible to live without accountability, trust me, it's possible, but it makes everything 75% harder. I don't know how I could live without the people in my life that I answer to. That's just it, if you don't answer to anybody, you're free to do anything. Sounds like bliss. Sounds like a wreck waiting to happen. I'm not trying to say those who aren't accountable to anybody are bound to fail, but I am saying they have a greater chance of failure.

If you don't have anybody in your life that you answer to, that's a dangerous place to be. Friends and peers can be mutual accountability partners, but there is a level of mentorship when looking for an accountability partner. This person must be somebody you respect, somebody who can give spiritual leadership and guidance, and somebody you know will call you out when you need to be called out.

Find somebody to be accountable to. They don't have to be a pastor, they don't have to be somebody you see every day of your life. But you must be transparent with them. You must tell them everything. You must tell them when you fail. It takes a little bit of swallowing your pride to have a true accountability partner, because they know the true you. The you that fails. The you that isn't perfect. The you that most people don't see. The real you. This person must be trustworthy for obvious reasons.

If you don't have anybody in your life that you answer to, take advice from, and learn from, you need to find somebody.
I value those who have accountability in their life.
Take my advice, and start learning from somebody.

show&tell

Music. Music to me is something very special. [understatement]
Music speaks when I don’t have the words to speak. When I am home alone, I sing. When I find myself without a response, I hum.
I can usually pick up a tune within seconds. Write a tune within minutes.
Songs on the other hand. Take time. I focus on lyrics more simply because they don’t come as natural to me as music does.
When I write lyrics, I focus on the music. What is the music saying? How can I mirror the reflections that the sound is producing?
But really, what am I trying to say? What is truly coming from my heart?
The lyrics are in some ways more important to me, not only because they take more time, but because I truly have to say exactly how I feel, exactly what I’m trying to portray.
I can’t just make something up like I can in music. I can’t hide behind the melody.
I can use the music as a mask. But words show my true colors.
The combination of the two is what I love, in the purest form.
This is one of the deepest parts of me. Music and song writing to me is intimate. It’s something that if taken lightly, hurts. If trodden upon, stings.
If accepted, it makes my world. If invokes change, perfection.
I struggle to portray the importance of this part of my life.
Many people don’t become a part of this section in my life simply because I’d rather not let it go to waste.
It’s the same reason some people don’t let people into their lives in general [if they don’t let in, they can’t get hurt].
Sure, people hear my songs. People have said they like my songs. But they haven’t heard all of them. Some songs are still unsung. Yet to be previewed.
Part of me wants to keep them on scratch paper, my phone, my brain, my computer, etc. Secret. Apart from criticism.
But the other part wants to show & tell. To go for it. To go all in. Give it my “A” game. But I lack knowledge in the “future” department, and can’t see the outcomes of life decisions.
So I guess we’ll wait and see.
I guess I’ll continue. Waiting. Without a clue of the outcomes of what’s been played out in my mind.