By minor, I don't mean not important.
And by major, I don't mean important.
Please dont take it the wrong way.
The other night at church, we had a blowout. I was on the keys, doug on bass, Casey on drums.
The music was crankin'. People were worshiping. And kept worshiping. Bro. Soto came to the mic and said everyone needed to keep praising and get their blessing.
As for me, I stayed on the keyboard.
You see, generally the main instrument of the worship set has to be the constant.
It's difficult to move in the spirit when you have to pay attention to everyone.
Watch the drummer and bassist. Make sure we're in time.
Watch the preacher, so when he advises to stop playing, everyone stops.
Listen. Watch.
Essentially there's no time to get a personal blessing.
What if you feel to go pray for somebody? Can't do it. If you just stop playing it'd kill the spirit for people. Can't get another keyboardist, the other three are crying and praying for other people.
So, what to do.
Personal blessings must come when you're not on an instrument. You must get your blessing when you're not at church.
That's when personal prayer time and devotion steps in.
Pray when you have a chance.
Cuz when you are on the platform, the church is relying on you to not be a distraction.
When you are on the platform 19 out of 20 services, you cannot rely on church to help you in your walk with God.
You have to develop your own walk with God. Outside of church.
Nov 24, 2010
Nov 17, 2010
Amazing Love
I can't really describe the intimacy of love. I can merely mimic what I've been shown by a Savior who is the best example of unfailing, irreplaceable, and true....love.
During the past few months, I have fallen in love with Jesus. More than I ever have in my life.
Mock it. Laugh at it. I don't care.
Being broken on a continual basis and desiring His will for my life more than anything in this world is what gets me through the day.
If you claim to be a Christian, and don't act like it, Jesus says you are no part of Him.
If you claim to be a Christian, and love the things of this world more than Him, you are not a child of light. You are part of darkness.
Chilling. Haunting. So true.
That's why loving Him is so much easier.
When we love Jesus, we can't sin. The moment that we sin, our desire to sin takes over the love we have for Him.
When we sin, the sin is more important than the one who died for our sins.
When we ignore Him by not praying and not reading the Word, we show God that our "important" and "busy" are more meaningful than our relationship with Him.
You wouldn't think about not calling the guy or girl that you love for a few days because you "got busy".
Nobody would say "Gosh, I really had to go to the bathroom today but I just couldn't fit it in my schedule"
It sounds funny, I know.
But what we think is important, we will do.
If you don't value reading God's Word...aka, the Bible...you won't read it.
If you don't value praying, you won't pray.
Too many times we say "God, please move in this service", or "God, please move in my life"....while, Jesus is actually waiting for us to move. How much are you willing to commit? How much are you willing to be faithful?
If you check your facebook everyday, you've become accustomed to getting in the habit of checking facebook.
What about your relationship with God?
I can't help but to cry in the presence of God. I can't help but to love love. I can't help but to love reading the Bible. It's exciting. When you truly fall in love with God. (and you know when you're in love with Him and when you're not), it's amazing. It'll change your life.
During the past few months, I have fallen in love with Jesus. More than I ever have in my life.
Mock it. Laugh at it. I don't care.
Being broken on a continual basis and desiring His will for my life more than anything in this world is what gets me through the day.
If you claim to be a Christian, and don't act like it, Jesus says you are no part of Him.
If you claim to be a Christian, and love the things of this world more than Him, you are not a child of light. You are part of darkness.
Chilling. Haunting. So true.
That's why loving Him is so much easier.
When we love Jesus, we can't sin. The moment that we sin, our desire to sin takes over the love we have for Him.
When we sin, the sin is more important than the one who died for our sins.
When we ignore Him by not praying and not reading the Word, we show God that our "important" and "busy" are more meaningful than our relationship with Him.
You wouldn't think about not calling the guy or girl that you love for a few days because you "got busy".
Nobody would say "Gosh, I really had to go to the bathroom today but I just couldn't fit it in my schedule"
It sounds funny, I know.
But what we think is important, we will do.
If you don't value reading God's Word...aka, the Bible...you won't read it.
If you don't value praying, you won't pray.
Too many times we say "God, please move in this service", or "God, please move in my life"....while, Jesus is actually waiting for us to move. How much are you willing to commit? How much are you willing to be faithful?
If you check your facebook everyday, you've become accustomed to getting in the habit of checking facebook.
What about your relationship with God?
I can't help but to cry in the presence of God. I can't help but to love love. I can't help but to love reading the Bible. It's exciting. When you truly fall in love with God. (and you know when you're in love with Him and when you're not), it's amazing. It'll change your life.
Nov 3, 2010
Por Vos
This is probably the prettiest song/poem I've experienced in my life.
It echoes perfectly my sentiments for the love of my life- Jesus Christ, who is my Savior and changed my life.
Listen to the song along with the lyrics (translation below lyrics)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxa_PsQ-A5Y
Amor De Mi Alma
Yo no naci, sino para quereros;
Mi alma os ha cortado a su medida;
Habito del alma misma, del alma misma os quiero.
Escrito esta en mi alma vuestro gesto;
Yo lo leo tan solo que aun de vos me guardo en esto.
Quanto tengo, confiesso yo de veros;
Y por vos naci, por vos tengo la vida,
Habito del alma misma os quiero.
Y por vos e de morir,
Y por vos muero.
Por vos.
Lover of My Soul
I was born to love only You
My soul has formed You to its measure
I want You as a garment for my soul
Your very image is written on my soul
Such indescribable intimacy, I hide even from You
All that I have, I owe to You
For You I was born, and for You I live
I want You as a garment for my soul
And for You I must die
And for You I give my last breath
For You
It echoes perfectly my sentiments for the love of my life- Jesus Christ, who is my Savior and changed my life.
Listen to the song along with the lyrics (translation below lyrics)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxa_PsQ-A5Y
Amor De Mi Alma
Yo no naci, sino para quereros;
Mi alma os ha cortado a su medida;
Habito del alma misma, del alma misma os quiero.
Escrito esta en mi alma vuestro gesto;
Yo lo leo tan solo que aun de vos me guardo en esto.
Quanto tengo, confiesso yo de veros;
Y por vos naci, por vos tengo la vida,
Habito del alma misma os quiero.
Y por vos e de morir,
Y por vos muero.
Por vos.
Lover of My Soul
I was born to love only You
My soul has formed You to its measure
I want You as a garment for my soul
Your very image is written on my soul
Such indescribable intimacy, I hide even from You
All that I have, I owe to You
For You I was born, and for You I live
I want You as a garment for my soul
And for You I must die
And for You I give my last breath
For You
Oct 26, 2010
Living Accountable
Living with accountability is more than what it seems. True accountability is a team effort between two players.
Yeah, of course there's the accountability of the Sunday to Sunday basis. "Where were you last week", or "Why didn't you come to church this morning". The surface accountability. Or when somebody calls you out because you misspoke or disrespected somebody. That's a general accountability that many people have.
But do you have true accountability?
1 Thessalonians 5:11 states: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
Not only are we supposed to encourage one another, but we're supposed to gain wisdom, strength, and advice from others.
Check out James 5:16:
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”
Confess my sins? To another person? Um...no. I can't do that. They might think less of me. ...They might think I'm a bad person that does wrong....they might think I'm.....human.
See, we as human beings are bad at trusting. Somehow, we got to the point where we think we can't let anybody know our failures, because that wouldn't be normal. Last time I checked, we all fail. That's what makes us normal. What's abnormal is when we think that letting people know our faults will make us the odd ones out.
When was the last time you told somebody "Hey...I'm struggling with this, and I need you to help me pray about it" ..?
When was the last time you were completely honest with somebody, not holding anything back, told them everything?
Do you have a specific person in your life that you talk to? Maybe on a daily basis? That keeps you accountable in certain areas of your life?
The reason I use rhetoric to make people think is because I've been there. I've been in a stage in my life with no accountability; once you become accountable, you realize that it's freeing, not restricting.
When you have somebody that you talk to on a continual basis that asks you probing questions as to how you're doing (spiritual walk, temptations, bible reading, prayer, *fill in blank with virtually anything*), it helps you throughout the day.
I know that I will be calling my mentor tonight, and I have to be 100% honest with them. If I fail, they don't look down on me, but helps me through it. But during the day, the fact that I will be talking to somebody gives me strength to avoid temptation and press towards the mark of the high calling of God. Every day.
That gets me through the day. :)
Proverbs 12:15
Yeah, of course there's the accountability of the Sunday to Sunday basis. "Where were you last week", or "Why didn't you come to church this morning". The surface accountability. Or when somebody calls you out because you misspoke or disrespected somebody. That's a general accountability that many people have.
But do you have true accountability?
1 Thessalonians 5:11 states: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
Not only are we supposed to encourage one another, but we're supposed to gain wisdom, strength, and advice from others.
Check out James 5:16:
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”
Confess my sins? To another person? Um...no. I can't do that. They might think less of me. ...They might think I'm a bad person that does wrong....they might think I'm.....human.
See, we as human beings are bad at trusting. Somehow, we got to the point where we think we can't let anybody know our failures, because that wouldn't be normal. Last time I checked, we all fail. That's what makes us normal. What's abnormal is when we think that letting people know our faults will make us the odd ones out.
When was the last time you told somebody "Hey...I'm struggling with this, and I need you to help me pray about it" ..?
When was the last time you were completely honest with somebody, not holding anything back, told them everything?
Do you have a specific person in your life that you talk to? Maybe on a daily basis? That keeps you accountable in certain areas of your life?
The reason I use rhetoric to make people think is because I've been there. I've been in a stage in my life with no accountability; once you become accountable, you realize that it's freeing, not restricting.
When you have somebody that you talk to on a continual basis that asks you probing questions as to how you're doing (spiritual walk, temptations, bible reading, prayer, *fill in blank with virtually anything*), it helps you throughout the day.
I know that I will be calling my mentor tonight, and I have to be 100% honest with them. If I fail, they don't look down on me, but helps me through it. But during the day, the fact that I will be talking to somebody gives me strength to avoid temptation and press towards the mark of the high calling of God. Every day.
That gets me through the day. :)
Proverbs 12:15
Sep 21, 2010
Connect.
You know how sometimes you can't get a text message because the connection is bad?
Missed a few calls because of low bars?
Well, it's not like the other person isn't trying to send you a message. Maybe they've sent the message. You just haven't got it yet.
But your connection is bad.
You could get mad at that person because you can't get their message.
You could be confused as to why they're not speaking to you.
But it's not their fault. They can't help that you have a bad connection. It's not their fault that you're in a place that is hindering your reception.
Take a look.
Wonder if sometimes we can't get God's message because the connection between Him and us is bad?
Maybe we're so focused on everything in life that He can't show us His plan?
Our personal relationship is failing because of the four letter word that starts with L and end with ife.
That'll cause some missed connections. Maybe even some missed....calls.
We can read and understand his...text...because the connection is bad.
We get confused and don't understand why He's not speaking to us.
It's not God's fault. We're the one in a place that is hindering our...reception.
Just a thought.
Missed a few calls because of low bars?
Well, it's not like the other person isn't trying to send you a message. Maybe they've sent the message. You just haven't got it yet.
But your connection is bad.
You could get mad at that person because you can't get their message.
You could be confused as to why they're not speaking to you.
But it's not their fault. They can't help that you have a bad connection. It's not their fault that you're in a place that is hindering your reception.
Take a look.
Wonder if sometimes we can't get God's message because the connection between Him and us is bad?
Maybe we're so focused on everything in life that He can't show us His plan?
Our personal relationship is failing because of the four letter word that starts with L and end with ife.
That'll cause some missed connections. Maybe even some missed....calls.
We can read and understand his...text...because the connection is bad.
We get confused and don't understand why He's not speaking to us.
It's not God's fault. We're the one in a place that is hindering our...reception.
Just a thought.
Sep 6, 2010
What if.
Say you're Pentecostal. Say you're baptist, or Muslim.
Take away any and every reservation that you (we) have for the catholic church.
Take away your thoughts that their teaching is wrong, or don't follow the entire bible.
Take away any negative preconceived notion.
They have something that every church needs.
They have one thing that should be implimented (to a degree) in all churches.
Confession.
What would happen if you knew you had somebody you could tell everything you did wrong. And they wouldn't judge you. But they would pray for you and get you through it.
We as people don't trust people.
Do you have anybody in your life that you can tell anything bad you do? Any thought or action or deed?
Didn't think so.
Why is that?
We are afraid that if we admit we're human, people will think less of us.
People that are "perfect" scare the mess out of me.
If you had somebody in your life that you knew you could tell something and they would never tell anybody, it would change you. It would help you deal with your problems. Deal with those dark corners in your life thy nobody knows about.
By simply telling somebody, it helps you to start the process of progress.
What if.
Take away any and every reservation that you (we) have for the catholic church.
Take away your thoughts that their teaching is wrong, or don't follow the entire bible.
Take away any negative preconceived notion.
They have something that every church needs.
They have one thing that should be implimented (to a degree) in all churches.
Confession.
What would happen if you knew you had somebody you could tell everything you did wrong. And they wouldn't judge you. But they would pray for you and get you through it.
We as people don't trust people.
Do you have anybody in your life that you can tell anything bad you do? Any thought or action or deed?
Didn't think so.
Why is that?
We are afraid that if we admit we're human, people will think less of us.
People that are "perfect" scare the mess out of me.
If you had somebody in your life that you knew you could tell something and they would never tell anybody, it would change you. It would help you deal with your problems. Deal with those dark corners in your life thy nobody knows about.
By simply telling somebody, it helps you to start the process of progress.
What if.
Aug 21, 2010
deluge of thinking.
I should update more regularly. Then things wouldn't come out in such random spurts of thoughts :)
<>
Never will I look down on others for not sharing my convictions. It's not my place to judge if God hasn't shown them the same thing He's shown me. And the same goes the other way around. If I'm not convicted about something that somebody is, I don't care to be looked down upon :) I will generally think about it and see if/how it could strengthen my walk with God! Woot.
<>
The Christian atheist is somebody who:
believes in God but not in prayer.
believes in God but not in sharing their faith.
believes in God but relies more on money.
-Just a glimpse of knowledge that's been bestowed upon me by Craig Groeschel.
<>
Some people move on shockingly quick.
<>
I spent $1,600 to fix my car. Dented the mess out of my bank account. But hey. I have an amazing car right now. Thank you Jesus for providing for me through my work ethic.
Aaaallllways remember: Jesus is our Provider, not Santa Clause.
<>
I don't like leaving a conversation thinking I may have entered an argument. I'd rather talk it out! :s
<>
And when you have no words left to say, just say:
oh.
<>
Never will I look down on others for not sharing my convictions. It's not my place to judge if God hasn't shown them the same thing He's shown me. And the same goes the other way around. If I'm not convicted about something that somebody is, I don't care to be looked down upon :) I will generally think about it and see if/how it could strengthen my walk with God! Woot.
<>
The Christian atheist is somebody who:
believes in God but not in prayer.
believes in God but not in sharing their faith.
believes in God but relies more on money.
-Just a glimpse of knowledge that's been bestowed upon me by Craig Groeschel.
<>
Some people move on shockingly quick.
<>
I spent $1,600 to fix my car. Dented the mess out of my bank account. But hey. I have an amazing car right now. Thank you Jesus for providing for me through my work ethic.
Aaaallllways remember: Jesus is our Provider, not Santa Clause.
<>
I don't like leaving a conversation thinking I may have entered an argument. I'd rather talk it out! :s
<>
And when you have no words left to say, just say:
oh.
Aug 3, 2010
Masters
When we have a problem (and I hate to use the word problem, because nobody has problems), it's been said the first step is admitting.
Well this is one hundred percent true. In his book "The Christian Atheist", Craig Groeschel explains how most people find that first step to be the most challenging. They (you, I) have to be willing to tell yourself that you have a problem in your life.
In Romans 6:14, Paul said "Sin shall not be your master". While many would say they're not mastered by sin, one can be mastered by something as innocent as caffeine. Some can't get through the morning without his double shot from Starbucks. Some just can't quit chewing, it's become a part of him. Others have issues with gambling, lusting, eating, or even technology. I am guilty of this next group: some can't go 30 minutes without checking their email, facebook or twitter. Isn't that addiction?
Some are bound with the belief that they cannot change who they are. People make excuses, "Well, that's just who I am", or "that's just the way I was made", or "just let me be my own person", and while they make these excuses, they are letting the devil tell them lies that they can't change.
I know I have an issue with technology. I have a macbook pro, an iPhone, a camera, and will be getting an iPad soon. I check my facebook, twitter, and email multiple times a day. I will be the first to admit this is an issue for me! Reading this book has opened my eyes in so many ways.
Once you've admitted you have an issue that you need to work on, let GOD do all the work. Once you're willing to change, He can use that willingness and completely transform your life.
Addictions are idolatry. Craig Groeschel suggests 6 questions to judge if you have a problem with something (fill in the blank with whatever topic you want)
1. Do your family and friends say you have a problem?
2. Do you continue even though you are hurting people?
3. Do you arrange your schedule, priorities, or spending around it?
4. Can you go one week without it?
5. Is it driving others away?
6. Are you denying it is a problem or trying to keep it a secret?
If you answered yes to 3 or more, changes are you have a problem that needs to be dealt with!
I intend to do a 1 week media fast before school starts to aid in getting my priorities set.
Thanks to anybody who reads this.
I'm not out to change the world with my blog, I'm out to lay down some thoughts that God is helping me work through.
Well this is one hundred percent true. In his book "The Christian Atheist", Craig Groeschel explains how most people find that first step to be the most challenging. They (you, I) have to be willing to tell yourself that you have a problem in your life.
In Romans 6:14, Paul said "Sin shall not be your master". While many would say they're not mastered by sin, one can be mastered by something as innocent as caffeine. Some can't get through the morning without his double shot from Starbucks. Some just can't quit chewing, it's become a part of him. Others have issues with gambling, lusting, eating, or even technology. I am guilty of this next group: some can't go 30 minutes without checking their email, facebook or twitter. Isn't that addiction?
Some are bound with the belief that they cannot change who they are. People make excuses, "Well, that's just who I am", or "that's just the way I was made", or "just let me be my own person", and while they make these excuses, they are letting the devil tell them lies that they can't change.
I know I have an issue with technology. I have a macbook pro, an iPhone, a camera, and will be getting an iPad soon. I check my facebook, twitter, and email multiple times a day. I will be the first to admit this is an issue for me! Reading this book has opened my eyes in so many ways.
Once you've admitted you have an issue that you need to work on, let GOD do all the work. Once you're willing to change, He can use that willingness and completely transform your life.
Addictions are idolatry. Craig Groeschel suggests 6 questions to judge if you have a problem with something (fill in the blank with whatever topic you want)
1. Do your family and friends say you have a problem?
2. Do you continue even though you are hurting people?
3. Do you arrange your schedule, priorities, or spending around it?
4. Can you go one week without it?
5. Is it driving others away?
6. Are you denying it is a problem or trying to keep it a secret?
If you answered yes to 3 or more, changes are you have a problem that needs to be dealt with!
I intend to do a 1 week media fast before school starts to aid in getting my priorities set.
Thanks to anybody who reads this.
I'm not out to change the world with my blog, I'm out to lay down some thoughts that God is helping me work through.
Aug 2, 2010
epiphany
So, here as I blog, I decided to transparently describe the new findings of a glimpse of what my life could be. I'm fairly confident if any, not many read my blog in the first place. But this is a good place to write out some thoughts.
Every job I've had, I've like for the first few weeks, maybe months, then grown to hate it. Mainly because I realize it's not where God wants me, and I end up feeling like I'm wasting my time.
God has gifted me with musical ability. I'm not arrogant, but I'm confident that I'm good at it. Not by what I've done to accomplish, but how He has blessed me.
The idea of doing music as a living has always seemed awesome, but I've never given it a second thought. Well, this is me now giving it a second thought.
Over the past couple months, I have taught piano to 10 students. When school starts in the fall, I will have 16.
I absolutely love it. Nothing pleases me more than to do music, and teach it to others.
Every job I've had, I've like for the first few weeks, maybe months, then grown to hate it. Mainly because I realize it's not where God wants me, and I end up feeling like I'm wasting my time.
God has gifted me with musical ability. I'm not arrogant, but I'm confident that I'm good at it. Not by what I've done to accomplish, but how He has blessed me.
The idea of doing music as a living has always seemed awesome, but I've never given it a second thought. Well, this is me now giving it a second thought.
Over the past couple months, I have taught piano to 10 students. When school starts in the fall, I will have 16.
I absolutely love it. Nothing pleases me more than to do music, and teach it to others.
Jul 30, 2010
Desire
I'm learning. Every day.
How much God is calling me into further ministry.
Exactly what that is, I don't know. But it's searching for me, and I'm searching for it.
I can't get it out of my head.
I can't leave it out of my thoughts.
It stays in my mind.
All day.
Every day. My burden grows stronger, my senses heighten.
Everyone's flesh will: always be there. You can't pray not to have worldly desires, you have to pray how to deal with those.
One of the keys to life is to truly know yourself.
What stage you're in.
What makes you tick.
What makes you tock.
Your struggles.
Your strong points.
Currently, I'm working on falling in love with Jesus. Because without that, a love on earth will be less than successful.
Every day is a battle not to be part of the norm.
You must ask yourself if you're going to choose to be authentic, or choose to be accepted.
It's a thousand times more difficult to be authentic.
Will we fail? Um. Duh.
Should we stop after we fail? No.
The key to mistakes is waking up the next morning with intent to live a life of pure holiness, kind words, generous giving, and sheer dedication to live for Him.
I refuse to be a Christian atheist: to believe in God but live as if He doesn't exist.
It's scary how easy it is to live like that.
Keep on keepin' on.
How much God is calling me into further ministry.
Exactly what that is, I don't know. But it's searching for me, and I'm searching for it.
I can't get it out of my head.
I can't leave it out of my thoughts.
It stays in my mind.
All day.
Every day. My burden grows stronger, my senses heighten.
Everyone's flesh will: always be there. You can't pray not to have worldly desires, you have to pray how to deal with those.
One of the keys to life is to truly know yourself.
What stage you're in.
What makes you tick.
What makes you tock.
Your struggles.
Your strong points.
Currently, I'm working on falling in love with Jesus. Because without that, a love on earth will be less than successful.
Every day is a battle not to be part of the norm.
You must ask yourself if you're going to choose to be authentic, or choose to be accepted.
It's a thousand times more difficult to be authentic.
Will we fail? Um. Duh.
Should we stop after we fail? No.
The key to mistakes is waking up the next morning with intent to live a life of pure holiness, kind words, generous giving, and sheer dedication to live for Him.
I refuse to be a Christian atheist: to believe in God but live as if He doesn't exist.
It's scary how easy it is to live like that.
Keep on keepin' on.
Jul 23, 2010
trust, and learn.
About 4 months ago, I started listening to Dave Ramsey. He's the world's finest financial gurus and helps more people get out of debt than anybody can shake a stick at.
I'm currently not really in debt. Only thing I'm looking at is school loans that I will eventually start having to pay off, give or take a few years.
I may never be rich. But I refuse to stupidly live in debt. Especially when I'm older.
I cut up my credit card about two months ago, and I'm using more and more cash.
I'm saving. I'm being wise. I'm sticking more and more to my budget.
I don't want to live paycheck by paycheck.
I want to live willing to give, willing to save, willing to invest into the things of God with all of my resources.
Proverbs 22:7 states that "The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender."
I may not be rich, but I will definitely work my way up. If you can do simple math, you can figure out that if you invest properly, anybody can become rich in the end. I want to prepare for my future. I want to invest properly into my future AND the things of God. It's not that hard.
I don't know everything, but I'm sure as heck learning.
I'm currently not really in debt. Only thing I'm looking at is school loans that I will eventually start having to pay off, give or take a few years.
I may never be rich. But I refuse to stupidly live in debt. Especially when I'm older.
I cut up my credit card about two months ago, and I'm using more and more cash.
I'm saving. I'm being wise. I'm sticking more and more to my budget.
I don't want to live paycheck by paycheck.
I want to live willing to give, willing to save, willing to invest into the things of God with all of my resources.
Proverbs 22:7 states that "The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender."
I may not be rich, but I will definitely work my way up. If you can do simple math, you can figure out that if you invest properly, anybody can become rich in the end. I want to prepare for my future. I want to invest properly into my future AND the things of God. It's not that hard.
I don't know everything, but I'm sure as heck learning.
Jul 20, 2010
yeah.
work
school
bible studies
marathon training
piano lessons
having a social life
church
youth music
district events.
yeah. something's gotta give.
school
bible studies
marathon training
piano lessons
having a social life
church
youth music
district events.
yeah. something's gotta give.
Jul 16, 2010
Goals for this semester
1. Last semester, I wanted to bring 15 people to church with me. I failed, by only getting 6.
This semester, I will accomplish that goal of 15.
2. I want to extend my friend list in the area of culture. I want to reach out to minorities, especially the Hispanic and Asian people, of which many attend Oshkosh.
3. I will start the youth choir at church.
4. Get down to weight of 210 (which would be a total weight loss of 40 lbs in 2010)
5. Run a marathon. No, seriously.
6. Develop my daily devotions more. And stick with them.
7. Not argue as much with others (especially my family)
8. Complete the 8 books to read on my list.
9. Get at least a 3.75 this semester.
10. Live life as a true Christian. Inside and out.
This semester, I will accomplish that goal of 15.
2. I want to extend my friend list in the area of culture. I want to reach out to minorities, especially the Hispanic and Asian people, of which many attend Oshkosh.
3. I will start the youth choir at church.
4. Get down to weight of 210 (which would be a total weight loss of 40 lbs in 2010)
5. Run a marathon. No, seriously.
6. Develop my daily devotions more. And stick with them.
7. Not argue as much with others (especially my family)
8. Complete the 8 books to read on my list.
9. Get at least a 3.75 this semester.
10. Live life as a true Christian. Inside and out.
Jul 12, 2010
listen.
Don't get upset when people correct you...when they stop correcting you, that means they've given up on you.
When people confront you, when people try to help you....listen.
Chances are, when you think everybody is wrong, they're right. And you're the wrong one.
Listen. Let people speak into your lives.
Tonight, I had one of those moments. I got confronted, I let that person speak.
Even when you don't want to listen, listen. Even when that person is somebody you don't wanna listen to, listen.
Maybe that person is the one thing keeping you in your right mind.
Listen.
Listen until it hurts. Then listen some more.
But more than just listen to words. Listen for change. Listen to change. Listen so they can do what God called them to be, so you can be who God called you to be.
When people confront you, when people try to help you....listen.
Chances are, when you think everybody is wrong, they're right. And you're the wrong one.
Listen. Let people speak into your lives.
Tonight, I had one of those moments. I got confronted, I let that person speak.
Even when you don't want to listen, listen. Even when that person is somebody you don't wanna listen to, listen.
Maybe that person is the one thing keeping you in your right mind.
Listen.
Listen until it hurts. Then listen some more.
But more than just listen to words. Listen for change. Listen to change. Listen so they can do what God called them to be, so you can be who God called you to be.
Who are you?
When you don't know you who are, you need to find out.
1. Take stock of your life. What are your obligations? What are your accomplishments? What are your failures? Be honest with yourself. All of these things make you who you are.
2. Where would you like to make changes? Are you happy in your present self? What areas can you improve on?
3. What gives you happiness? Learn to make time for yourself. Fill that time with things that make you happy. Find a hobby. Play with your kids. If going out to dinner is relaxing for you do it, if it's taking a really long shower, go for it.
4. What exactly do you believe in? Do you live your beliefs or just reaffirm them on Sunday morning? Take a few minutes in the morning and evening to pray and read your Bible. It's uplifting.
5. Be thankful!!! Remember, you are blessed. Through your experiences, opportunities, etc, you have been blessed by God.
You are what you make out of your life.
1. Take stock of your life. What are your obligations? What are your accomplishments? What are your failures? Be honest with yourself. All of these things make you who you are.
2. Where would you like to make changes? Are you happy in your present self? What areas can you improve on?
3. What gives you happiness? Learn to make time for yourself. Fill that time with things that make you happy. Find a hobby. Play with your kids. If going out to dinner is relaxing for you do it, if it's taking a really long shower, go for it.
4. What exactly do you believe in? Do you live your beliefs or just reaffirm them on Sunday morning? Take a few minutes in the morning and evening to pray and read your Bible. It's uplifting.
5. Be thankful!!! Remember, you are blessed. Through your experiences, opportunities, etc, you have been blessed by God.
You are what you make out of your life.
Jun 11, 2010
Jun 7, 2010
the not so clear lines.
Just wanted to give a shout out to the recently new readers and appreciators of my blog. I ramble a lot and try to throw in some common sense and somewhat deep thoughts here and there.
The next segment is a few thoughts directed towards anonymous people.
Don't worry, if you're reading this, i'm not talking to you. Guaranteed.
1.
I hate how our friendship ended. I hate that it took all of that. I relied on you, you relied on me. We were tight. And in a matter of weeks. It just fell apart. Shattered, to say the least. Now, we've resorted to maybe a text every month or so. When we see each other, we talk a lot. We talk about good times. The good 'ol days. We always say we have to talk more, but it never happens. You wanted more than what I was willing to give. You weren't willing to develop your own lifestyle, but wanted others. Then you eventually caved in to those that were already unraveling the mere fabric of your life.
2.
Every day, I realize how much I love you. You're literally like a brother to me. I don't even consider you a friend anymore. I talk to you more than i talk to anybody on the face of this earth. Some may call it gay. I call it incredibly heterosexual love. But whatever. I can't imagine not seeing you for more than a few days. I've grown to appreciate you, your family, and those you love as well. You inspire me, lift my spirits, constantly stretch my vocabulary in odd ways, and never cease to make me laugh. You, my friend are amazing. And that's why you're my best friend in the entire world.
3.
I don't think i've ever been more disappointed in another human being than I am in you. You were the closest person to me for a long time. When i think about you, i hurt. I hurt more than you'll ever know. You strayed so far away from God and how you were raised that I don't even know how it happened. You must have been lying to me for many, many months, because people don't crumble in a day, it's a slow fade (thank you casting crowns). A lot of my good taste in music came from your love for music. You inspired me to run my first half marathon and start training this year to run a full one. You inspired me to be a better person. A better man. A better guy in treating women. And you threw it all away. For what? I still don't know what you see in the desired life you're living right now. I don't know if you think you're too far gone to come back now? I just don't know. I'd welcome you back into my life, any day of my life.
4.
I don't even know where to start with you. You left so fast that I barely had time to blink. I cried for days you know. And you never said good bye. You just up and left. Why? I still don't know. I'm not sure if I ever will. Maybe it's best that way. You were my mentor, but more, my friend. Did you not have the strength to maintain what was difficult? Maybe next time you face a challenge, you could try growing a pair and dealing with it. It's what I did. Yeah, life sucks. Apparently you never learned how to face challenges. Good luck with life. You seem to be doing fine, anyways.
5.
I can honestly say, if you weren't in my life, I wouldn't be typing these words right now. I don't know where I'd be. You saved me. From everything. I was going down a path not right for my life, and you helped me. I was dealing with a lot more than i even knew how to deal with. Many times you were honest, and told me "I'm not sure even I know what to tell you what to do. but i'm praying for you, and i'm here when you need to talk". You're one of my favorite people in the entire world. You challenge me, support me, always give me thought provoking questions, and never steer me down the wrong path.
..So what's worse, telling people EXACTLY how you feel, or never telling them?
Both have pros and cons. And i don't know which has more or less.
Some say it's better to just go and say it. But then there's the what if.
Whatever. Sometimes it's good to just get it out in writing whether you ever tell them or not.
The next segment is a few thoughts directed towards anonymous people.
Don't worry, if you're reading this, i'm not talking to you. Guaranteed.
1.
I hate how our friendship ended. I hate that it took all of that. I relied on you, you relied on me. We were tight. And in a matter of weeks. It just fell apart. Shattered, to say the least. Now, we've resorted to maybe a text every month or so. When we see each other, we talk a lot. We talk about good times. The good 'ol days. We always say we have to talk more, but it never happens. You wanted more than what I was willing to give. You weren't willing to develop your own lifestyle, but wanted others. Then you eventually caved in to those that were already unraveling the mere fabric of your life.
2.
Every day, I realize how much I love you. You're literally like a brother to me. I don't even consider you a friend anymore. I talk to you more than i talk to anybody on the face of this earth. Some may call it gay. I call it incredibly heterosexual love. But whatever. I can't imagine not seeing you for more than a few days. I've grown to appreciate you, your family, and those you love as well. You inspire me, lift my spirits, constantly stretch my vocabulary in odd ways, and never cease to make me laugh. You, my friend are amazing. And that's why you're my best friend in the entire world.
3.
I don't think i've ever been more disappointed in another human being than I am in you. You were the closest person to me for a long time. When i think about you, i hurt. I hurt more than you'll ever know. You strayed so far away from God and how you were raised that I don't even know how it happened. You must have been lying to me for many, many months, because people don't crumble in a day, it's a slow fade (thank you casting crowns). A lot of my good taste in music came from your love for music. You inspired me to run my first half marathon and start training this year to run a full one. You inspired me to be a better person. A better man. A better guy in treating women. And you threw it all away. For what? I still don't know what you see in the desired life you're living right now. I don't know if you think you're too far gone to come back now? I just don't know. I'd welcome you back into my life, any day of my life.
4.
I don't even know where to start with you. You left so fast that I barely had time to blink. I cried for days you know. And you never said good bye. You just up and left. Why? I still don't know. I'm not sure if I ever will. Maybe it's best that way. You were my mentor, but more, my friend. Did you not have the strength to maintain what was difficult? Maybe next time you face a challenge, you could try growing a pair and dealing with it. It's what I did. Yeah, life sucks. Apparently you never learned how to face challenges. Good luck with life. You seem to be doing fine, anyways.
5.
I can honestly say, if you weren't in my life, I wouldn't be typing these words right now. I don't know where I'd be. You saved me. From everything. I was going down a path not right for my life, and you helped me. I was dealing with a lot more than i even knew how to deal with. Many times you were honest, and told me "I'm not sure even I know what to tell you what to do. but i'm praying for you, and i'm here when you need to talk". You're one of my favorite people in the entire world. You challenge me, support me, always give me thought provoking questions, and never steer me down the wrong path.
..So what's worse, telling people EXACTLY how you feel, or never telling them?
Both have pros and cons. And i don't know which has more or less.
Some say it's better to just go and say it. But then there's the what if.
Whatever. Sometimes it's good to just get it out in writing whether you ever tell them or not.
Jun 1, 2010
. and not ?
Today. Tuesday, June 1st, 2010.
I realized how much God has plans for my life that I can't orchestrate.
There's things happening that I can't even fathom where they're headed.
From random connections, to on the spot schedulings, to short notice concerts.
I am in the will of God, and I smile because of that.
Certain things that used to bother me, don't.
I don't worry where I'm going to be in 5 years. Know why? Because my life is in God's hands.
People complain how God's will is confusing, which may seem to be true. But once we completely give our lives to God, it's not confusing because we don't try and figure everything else out.
I'm changing questions into statements. When I question God, I change it into what I know God is, who He is, and what I know He's capable of.
I realized how much God has plans for my life that I can't orchestrate.
There's things happening that I can't even fathom where they're headed.
From random connections, to on the spot schedulings, to short notice concerts.
I am in the will of God, and I smile because of that.
Certain things that used to bother me, don't.
I don't worry where I'm going to be in 5 years. Know why? Because my life is in God's hands.
People complain how God's will is confusing, which may seem to be true. But once we completely give our lives to God, it's not confusing because we don't try and figure everything else out.
I'm changing questions into statements. When I question God, I change it into what I know God is, who He is, and what I know He's capable of.
May 30, 2010
future
God has incredible plans for me.
And I don't even know all of them.
But they're bigger than I can even handle.
And they involve those closest to me right now.
And I'm so excited.
That's all.
And I don't even know all of them.
But they're bigger than I can even handle.
And they involve those closest to me right now.
And I'm so excited.
That's all.
May 28, 2010
that which isn't easy. that which is right.
Each day, I realize more and more how much I truly desire the will of God, and how much I truly trust Him.
I am needing direction in my life. Not just “God help me through this day” kind of prayer.
But “God what am I doing with my life?”
It’s funny to be in that situation, because when we put our lives in His hands, he will begin to show us things, but not enough. Because if He showed us everything, we’d either get scared and run away or not believe it would be possible. God’s plans for our lives are bigger than we can imagine.
I feel that God wants more ministry in my life than what I’m going to school for.
Yeah, obviously I’m going to school for a career, and to have stability in my life. But I also feel higher callings to develop ministries.
God has called me to music ministry. But He’s also called me to more. Youth is a new ministry that I’ve developed through the past year in my life, and I feel a burden more each day for them.
Guys in particular.
Last night I teared up during the youth service because 5 youth got up and spoke on “endurance”. They explained: Setting goals, convincing yourself to never give up, facing the fear of failure, difficulties accepting the love of God, and realizing none of us are in this alone.
Last night was dreams being put in to place. Callings being answered. Two of the people that spoke have felt a call to preach.
I can only sit here and begin to tear up again writing this, thinking about how much God is going to use them.
We also had our guys group on sexual purity, and as we all sat in a circle and spoke transparently about this topic, I began to see lives completely transformed. Guys that weren’t interested in church before, suddenly call and text me with scriptures and thoughts on this thing called “Christianity”.
I can’t help but feel extremely proud for those striving for the high calling.
I can’t help but appreciate those who answer the call to complete holiness. Even when it’s easier not to.
That’s what it’s all about.
Remember, when you make a decision, take a stand, or answer the call, you will always receive opposition. Whether it be from the enemy or your closest friend.
Be prepared.
It’s not easy to follow God’s call. But when we stop trying to make everything complicated and let God do His job, it suddenly becomes a little more understandable.
I am not my own.
1 Cor 6:20
I am needing direction in my life. Not just “God help me through this day” kind of prayer.
But “God what am I doing with my life?”
It’s funny to be in that situation, because when we put our lives in His hands, he will begin to show us things, but not enough. Because if He showed us everything, we’d either get scared and run away or not believe it would be possible. God’s plans for our lives are bigger than we can imagine.
I feel that God wants more ministry in my life than what I’m going to school for.
Yeah, obviously I’m going to school for a career, and to have stability in my life. But I also feel higher callings to develop ministries.
God has called me to music ministry. But He’s also called me to more. Youth is a new ministry that I’ve developed through the past year in my life, and I feel a burden more each day for them.
Guys in particular.
Last night I teared up during the youth service because 5 youth got up and spoke on “endurance”. They explained: Setting goals, convincing yourself to never give up, facing the fear of failure, difficulties accepting the love of God, and realizing none of us are in this alone.
Last night was dreams being put in to place. Callings being answered. Two of the people that spoke have felt a call to preach.
I can only sit here and begin to tear up again writing this, thinking about how much God is going to use them.
We also had our guys group on sexual purity, and as we all sat in a circle and spoke transparently about this topic, I began to see lives completely transformed. Guys that weren’t interested in church before, suddenly call and text me with scriptures and thoughts on this thing called “Christianity”.
I can’t help but feel extremely proud for those striving for the high calling.
I can’t help but appreciate those who answer the call to complete holiness. Even when it’s easier not to.
That’s what it’s all about.
Remember, when you make a decision, take a stand, or answer the call, you will always receive opposition. Whether it be from the enemy or your closest friend.
Be prepared.
It’s not easy to follow God’s call. But when we stop trying to make everything complicated and let God do His job, it suddenly becomes a little more understandable.
I am not my own.
1 Cor 6:20
May 25, 2010
Summer Goals
Jotting down just a few goals for this summer (and i may add as i go):
-Weight goal: 215. So i need to lose 17 lbs to achieve that by the end of the summer.
-Attend various festivals in the state, simply for the heck of it and to appreciate this crazy state.
-Get every guy in the youth group through "Every Young Man's Battle"
-Mentor the young musicians in our church.
-Fall deeper in love with God than I ever have before and completely rely on His will for my life.
-Have a little more solidity to where I'd like to go in life as far as career direction, etc.
-work like crazy. play like crazy.
-hang out with youth kids during the week and be a mentor to them.
-baby step 1 in the eyes of Dave Ramsey
-save $
-Weight goal: 215. So i need to lose 17 lbs to achieve that by the end of the summer.
-Attend various festivals in the state, simply for the heck of it and to appreciate this crazy state.
-Get every guy in the youth group through "Every Young Man's Battle"
-Mentor the young musicians in our church.
-Fall deeper in love with God than I ever have before and completely rely on His will for my life.
-Have a little more solidity to where I'd like to go in life as far as career direction, etc.
-work like crazy. play like crazy.
-hang out with youth kids during the week and be a mentor to them.
-baby step 1 in the eyes of Dave Ramsey
-save $
May 22, 2010
it
Sara Bareilles doesn't want to fall another moment into it. It always brings us back. It never stays too long.
Pixie Lott thinks it pulls us back into old ways.
It brings people together. And pushes on others, in the eyes of Coldplay.
Others like David Archleta feel better, as if the world disappears, when there's none of it.
For some like Shawn McDonald, it only leaves emptiness and tears.
Allison Krauss believes this is the only thing God needs to hold us down.
Embrace shows how it turns in directions for some.
Soul Decision blames it for holding out on them.
If it were love, we could get up when we fall in the mind of Poets of the Fall.
Wicked claims it should be defied.
According to John Mayer, it's working against us, and it wants to bring us down.
Gravity.
Pixie Lott thinks it pulls us back into old ways.
It brings people together. And pushes on others, in the eyes of Coldplay.
Others like David Archleta feel better, as if the world disappears, when there's none of it.
For some like Shawn McDonald, it only leaves emptiness and tears.
Allison Krauss believes this is the only thing God needs to hold us down.
Embrace shows how it turns in directions for some.
Soul Decision blames it for holding out on them.
If it were love, we could get up when we fall in the mind of Poets of the Fall.
Wicked claims it should be defied.
According to John Mayer, it's working against us, and it wants to bring us down.
Gravity.
May 20, 2010
i am not my own
Sometimes the will of God isn't easy. Sometimes it straight up sucks.
Sometimes it comes in and changes all your plans.
But you have to listen. As much as it hurts.
I can't deal with the thought of hurting others.
The pain in that is, at times, worse than my own.
It catches me different ways. It comes in waves.
Everything will be alright. Sometime it will be better. Somehow it will ease. Someway it will be easier.
I know God has me in His hands, and He knows what he's doing. And i have to trust in that. I have to. If i don't, it seems like i'm living in oblivion and in an endless sea of questions [because that's what it feels like in my life right now], but i rely not on myself but on that of which is *jealous for me.
God cannot lie. And when He told me He has a will for my life, he wasn't kidding. At times my life feels like a string of jokes. But it's no joke. I may not understand what God is doing or why it feels like as soon as I know where i'm going, everything changes. But i must trust. True trust comes when we don't understand.
I'll trust You. Lord, it's not easy. Sometimes the pain in my life makes You seem far away. But I'll trust You.
I am not my own. For I was bought with a price.
Sometimes it comes in and changes all your plans.
But you have to listen. As much as it hurts.
I can't deal with the thought of hurting others.
The pain in that is, at times, worse than my own.
It catches me different ways. It comes in waves.
Everything will be alright. Sometime it will be better. Somehow it will ease. Someway it will be easier.
I know God has me in His hands, and He knows what he's doing. And i have to trust in that. I have to. If i don't, it seems like i'm living in oblivion and in an endless sea of questions [because that's what it feels like in my life right now], but i rely not on myself but on that of which is *jealous for me.
God cannot lie. And when He told me He has a will for my life, he wasn't kidding. At times my life feels like a string of jokes. But it's no joke. I may not understand what God is doing or why it feels like as soon as I know where i'm going, everything changes. But i must trust. True trust comes when we don't understand.
I'll trust You. Lord, it's not easy. Sometimes the pain in my life makes You seem far away. But I'll trust You.
I am not my own. For I was bought with a price.
May 18, 2010
No matter the cost.
What is the will of God?
People will argue about predestination until the end of the world. I don’t believe predestination exists, nor do I believe it should be a part of any Christian’s viewpoints.
However, I do feel that God has a will for our lives. I like to think of the will of God as a street grid.
Every street we take, comes with turns.
Since God is omniscient, aka all knowing, he knows exactly what street we’re gonna take.
If we turn left, it leads to an entirely new list of turns and directions and available options. God knows where all of those roads lead to. He knows where every turn ends up. But, ultimately it’s our decision as to which path we’re going to take.
This is cool, yet scary. I want the will of God for my life. God wants his will for my life. But, God gave us free will. He won’t step into our lives and force His will on us.
He is prepared to bail us out if we fail. He is prepared to get us back on track when we stumble.
I pray every day for the will of God in my life. Even if I don’t understand what his will is, or if I can’t figure out what it is.
I may want something, but if it’s not God’s will, I don’t want it either. That’s when we need to pray like it’s goin out of style.
I feel that during times of uncertainty on the will of God, He uses people he’s placed in our lives to speak to us. This nifty little trick is called mentors. Those you are accountable to and mentor you can speak sometimes for the voice of God, He can give them direction and can help you when you don’t know what to do.
Sometimes we can pray so much that God will do something, that our vision for His will has become blurred.
But nonetheless, we must pray. And fast. And pray. And fast. And pray till it hurts. And fast till it feels like it’s gonna kills you.
Those that have spiritual leadership in our lives are our shepherds. They’ve put time into you. They want the best for you. It’s good to listen to them.
I am at a point in my life where I don’t know the will of God for my life.
Therefore, I’m seeking guidance. I’m looking to my mentors to help me. I’m praying. I’m fasting.
Sometimes it just feels like I could spontaneously burst out in tears because I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I have it under control, then God shows me that I don’t.
I get in this “ah, I’m fine, I can do this” mode, then I realize I can’t do this thing called life by myself.
The will of God. At any cost.
People will argue about predestination until the end of the world. I don’t believe predestination exists, nor do I believe it should be a part of any Christian’s viewpoints.
However, I do feel that God has a will for our lives. I like to think of the will of God as a street grid.
Every street we take, comes with turns.
Since God is omniscient, aka all knowing, he knows exactly what street we’re gonna take.
If we turn left, it leads to an entirely new list of turns and directions and available options. God knows where all of those roads lead to. He knows where every turn ends up. But, ultimately it’s our decision as to which path we’re going to take.
This is cool, yet scary. I want the will of God for my life. God wants his will for my life. But, God gave us free will. He won’t step into our lives and force His will on us.
He is prepared to bail us out if we fail. He is prepared to get us back on track when we stumble.
I pray every day for the will of God in my life. Even if I don’t understand what his will is, or if I can’t figure out what it is.
I may want something, but if it’s not God’s will, I don’t want it either. That’s when we need to pray like it’s goin out of style.
I feel that during times of uncertainty on the will of God, He uses people he’s placed in our lives to speak to us. This nifty little trick is called mentors. Those you are accountable to and mentor you can speak sometimes for the voice of God, He can give them direction and can help you when you don’t know what to do.
Sometimes we can pray so much that God will do something, that our vision for His will has become blurred.
But nonetheless, we must pray. And fast. And pray. And fast. And pray till it hurts. And fast till it feels like it’s gonna kills you.
Those that have spiritual leadership in our lives are our shepherds. They’ve put time into you. They want the best for you. It’s good to listen to them.
I am at a point in my life where I don’t know the will of God for my life.
Therefore, I’m seeking guidance. I’m looking to my mentors to help me. I’m praying. I’m fasting.
Sometimes it just feels like I could spontaneously burst out in tears because I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I have it under control, then God shows me that I don’t.
I get in this “ah, I’m fine, I can do this” mode, then I realize I can’t do this thing called life by myself.
The will of God. At any cost.
May 13, 2010
Pink- "Glitter in the Air"
Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?
It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?
Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?
It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?
There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar
Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?
Tonight
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?
It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?
Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?
It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?
There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar
Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?
Tonight
May 10, 2010
and so it goes
Honesty. That's all i want.
No games. No cliches.
No necesito saber el camino por la vida entera, solo quiero saber que pasa ahora.
Where words fail, music speaks. And even my music is beginning to question me.
No games. No cliches.
No necesito saber el camino por la vida entera, solo quiero saber que pasa ahora.
Where words fail, music speaks. And even my music is beginning to question me.
May 5, 2010
Accountability
This is a key factor in a successful life. WIthout a doubt. Those who are accountable to others know one thing: they need those they are accountable to, and without them, they'd fail. I personally have 5 people in my life I am accountable to for various things. I keep in touch with some of them daily, some weekly. How can we continue walking in will of God with nobody to be accountable to? I'm not saying it's impossible to live without accountability, trust me, it's possible, but it makes everything 75% harder. I don't know how I could live without the people in my life that I answer to. That's just it, if you don't answer to anybody, you're free to do anything. Sounds like bliss. Sounds like a wreck waiting to happen. I'm not trying to say those who aren't accountable to anybody are bound to fail, but I am saying they have a greater chance of failure.
If you don't have anybody in your life that you answer to, that's a dangerous place to be. Friends and peers can be mutual accountability partners, but there is a level of mentorship when looking for an accountability partner. This person must be somebody you respect, somebody who can give spiritual leadership and guidance, and somebody you know will call you out when you need to be called out.
Find somebody to be accountable to. They don't have to be a pastor, they don't have to be somebody you see every day of your life. But you must be transparent with them. You must tell them everything. You must tell them when you fail. It takes a little bit of swallowing your pride to have a true accountability partner, because they know the true you. The you that fails. The you that isn't perfect. The you that most people don't see. The real you. This person must be trustworthy for obvious reasons.
If you don't have anybody in your life that you answer to, take advice from, and learn from, you need to find somebody.
I value those who have accountability in their life.
Take my advice, and start learning from somebody.
If you don't have anybody in your life that you answer to, that's a dangerous place to be. Friends and peers can be mutual accountability partners, but there is a level of mentorship when looking for an accountability partner. This person must be somebody you respect, somebody who can give spiritual leadership and guidance, and somebody you know will call you out when you need to be called out.
Find somebody to be accountable to. They don't have to be a pastor, they don't have to be somebody you see every day of your life. But you must be transparent with them. You must tell them everything. You must tell them when you fail. It takes a little bit of swallowing your pride to have a true accountability partner, because they know the true you. The you that fails. The you that isn't perfect. The you that most people don't see. The real you. This person must be trustworthy for obvious reasons.
If you don't have anybody in your life that you answer to, take advice from, and learn from, you need to find somebody.
I value those who have accountability in their life.
Take my advice, and start learning from somebody.
May 4, 2010
show&tell
Music. Music to me is something very special. [understatement]
Music speaks when I don’t have the words to speak. When I am home alone, I sing. When I find myself without a response, I hum.
I can usually pick up a tune within seconds. Write a tune within minutes.
Songs on the other hand. Take time. I focus on lyrics more simply because they don’t come as natural to me as music does.
When I write lyrics, I focus on the music. What is the music saying? How can I mirror the reflections that the sound is producing?
But really, what am I trying to say? What is truly coming from my heart?
The lyrics are in some ways more important to me, not only because they take more time, but because I truly have to say exactly how I feel, exactly what I’m trying to portray.
I can’t just make something up like I can in music. I can’t hide behind the melody.
I can use the music as a mask. But words show my true colors.
The combination of the two is what I love, in the purest form.
This is one of the deepest parts of me. Music and song writing to me is intimate. It’s something that if taken lightly, hurts. If trodden upon, stings.
If accepted, it makes my world. If invokes change, perfection.
I struggle to portray the importance of this part of my life.
Many people don’t become a part of this section in my life simply because I’d rather not let it go to waste.
It’s the same reason some people don’t let people into their lives in general [if they don’t let in, they can’t get hurt].
Sure, people hear my songs. People have said they like my songs. But they haven’t heard all of them. Some songs are still unsung. Yet to be previewed.
Part of me wants to keep them on scratch paper, my phone, my brain, my computer, etc. Secret. Apart from criticism.
But the other part wants to show & tell. To go for it. To go all in. Give it my “A” game. But I lack knowledge in the “future” department, and can’t see the outcomes of life decisions.
So I guess we’ll wait and see.
I guess I’ll continue. Waiting. Without a clue of the outcomes of what’s been played out in my mind.
Music speaks when I don’t have the words to speak. When I am home alone, I sing. When I find myself without a response, I hum.
I can usually pick up a tune within seconds. Write a tune within minutes.
Songs on the other hand. Take time. I focus on lyrics more simply because they don’t come as natural to me as music does.
When I write lyrics, I focus on the music. What is the music saying? How can I mirror the reflections that the sound is producing?
But really, what am I trying to say? What is truly coming from my heart?
The lyrics are in some ways more important to me, not only because they take more time, but because I truly have to say exactly how I feel, exactly what I’m trying to portray.
I can’t just make something up like I can in music. I can’t hide behind the melody.
I can use the music as a mask. But words show my true colors.
The combination of the two is what I love, in the purest form.
This is one of the deepest parts of me. Music and song writing to me is intimate. It’s something that if taken lightly, hurts. If trodden upon, stings.
If accepted, it makes my world. If invokes change, perfection.
I struggle to portray the importance of this part of my life.
Many people don’t become a part of this section in my life simply because I’d rather not let it go to waste.
It’s the same reason some people don’t let people into their lives in general [if they don’t let in, they can’t get hurt].
Sure, people hear my songs. People have said they like my songs. But they haven’t heard all of them. Some songs are still unsung. Yet to be previewed.
Part of me wants to keep them on scratch paper, my phone, my brain, my computer, etc. Secret. Apart from criticism.
But the other part wants to show & tell. To go for it. To go all in. Give it my “A” game. But I lack knowledge in the “future” department, and can’t see the outcomes of life decisions.
So I guess we’ll wait and see.
I guess I’ll continue. Waiting. Without a clue of the outcomes of what’s been played out in my mind.
Apr 30, 2010
perfect light.
i feel like i'm holding a flower. one that i don't want to tear. one that is too beautiful to hold up to the wind, in fear of the peddling away. i don't want to hurt people. i don't want to be the catalyst for a series of incandescent days, only illuminated by a false hope of light. i want to be the light. i want to be the true, change. [that which is] different. 'tis true that we live in a world with false promises. people do it every day. i'd like to consider myself distant from that category, apart from the norm. i can only share my words in hopes of reality, in hopes the very words i speak won't be taken lightly, nor without belief. it's impossible to live perfectly, without blemish. yet, through these mere scars of human imperfections, something beautiful arises. perhaps something like a flower.
i shall pick.
i shall pick.
Apr 2, 2010
personal.
I've been reflecting on some personal changes that i've made over the past year or so, and i'm really liking it.
Change is good. Unless it's a change for the worse, but that's another story.
I've lost 30 pounds since Jan. 1st. Stoked about that.
January 1st i declared to myself that 2010 would be a great year. I made a declaration in my project:365 that i "started off the year right with life changes, not resolutions, life changes."
And i plan to continue. I don't plan on stopping. I've been healthier, i've been more energetic. But more so, my personal walk with God has become deeper and stronger. I've witnessed more. I've prayed more. I've read my bible more. [than i ever have]. I've run farther (literally). I just have developed more responsibility, courage, boldness, leadership, etc. This isn't me bragging. This is me blogging to myself and commenting on how i'm doing with my personal goal of making 2010 a great [not good], but great year.
I'm on my way.
Change is good. Unless it's a change for the worse, but that's another story.
I've lost 30 pounds since Jan. 1st. Stoked about that.
January 1st i declared to myself that 2010 would be a great year. I made a declaration in my project:365 that i "started off the year right with life changes, not resolutions, life changes."
And i plan to continue. I don't plan on stopping. I've been healthier, i've been more energetic. But more so, my personal walk with God has become deeper and stronger. I've witnessed more. I've prayed more. I've read my bible more. [than i ever have]. I've run farther (literally). I just have developed more responsibility, courage, boldness, leadership, etc. This isn't me bragging. This is me blogging to myself and commenting on how i'm doing with my personal goal of making 2010 a great [not good], but great year.
I'm on my way.
Mar 31, 2010
words: with or without
Words to me are something that sometimes come natural. Sometimes i have to think about them. Speech, lyrics, words, communication, etc. is very important to me. Whether it be of affirmation, of correction, of declaration, or of verification. Without verbal or textual communication, i'd die. If i had a super power, it wouldn't be the ability to fly, or shoot lasers from my pinkies, or turn faces into ice. It'd be to know the thoughts of people. That would probably be more dangerous than not. But i'd take the chance. When i don't know the thought patterns of people, it's normal, yes. But still makes me wonder. Communication between people has many patterns. Sentence structure vs. thought patterns. What if people say exactly what they're thinking? What if people don't say what they're thinking at all? Both have pro's and cons. I'd take the former over the latter latter. But that's just me.
On a completely random note. It's a completely wonderful day to be alive.
On a completely random note. It's a completely wonderful day to be alive.
Mar 24, 2010
Types.
Airports bring in all kinds of people.
People that don't want to go where they're destination is. People that didn't want to come back from where they were.
People still trying to find what they want out of life. People who are happy.
People with no luggage. People with too much luggage.
People that don't want to say good bye. People that don't have problems saying good bye.
People that have one to many matching articles of clothing.
People sprinting. People crawling.
Pregnant ladies. Ladies that look pregnant.
People with coffee. People that need coffee.
People using pay phones. People that have three cell phones.
People buying things. People selling things.
People who don't speak english. People who fake accents to avoid people trying to sell them something (a;sldkfjasdflakj)
People who are confident. People who aren't.
People with tattoos. People with with perfect complexions.
People who like John Mayer. People who hate John Mayer
All colors, shapes, religions.
People with iPhones. People who still have Nokias.
Old. Young.
Ghetto. Preppy.
People who can rock a V-neck. People who don't ever need to look at a V-neck again.
People traveling for business. Or for vacation. Or for family. Or for a change.
Couples that match. Couples that don't.
People that don't want to go where they're destination is. People that didn't want to come back from where they were.
People still trying to find what they want out of life. People who are happy.
People with no luggage. People with too much luggage.
People that don't want to say good bye. People that don't have problems saying good bye.
People that have one to many matching articles of clothing.
People sprinting. People crawling.
Pregnant ladies. Ladies that look pregnant.
People with coffee. People that need coffee.
People using pay phones. People that have three cell phones.
People buying things. People selling things.
People who don't speak english. People who fake accents to avoid people trying to sell them something (a;sldkfjasdflakj)
People who are confident. People who aren't.
People with tattoos. People with with perfect complexions.
People who like John Mayer. People who hate John Mayer
All colors, shapes, religions.
People with iPhones. People who still have Nokias.
Old. Young.
Ghetto. Preppy.
People who can rock a V-neck. People who don't ever need to look at a V-neck again.
People traveling for business. Or for vacation. Or for family. Or for a change.
Couples that match. Couples that don't.
Mar 23, 2010
the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
"So you say, you've given up you'll never try again
You've run the race, you did your best and what a race it's been
But have you tried leaning on the everlasting arms?
Have you tried coming to the Master as you are?
You say grace is free, but i feel like I steal it every day
I'm so unclean, look what this sinful life has done
But have you tried leaning on the everlasting arms?
Have you tried coming to the Master as you are?"
-Brandon Freeman
These lyrics written by my cousin echo my sentiments exactly.
Grace is new every morning. Yet somehow I feel we all abuse it. Every day.
That's why the love of God is so difficult to understand. We judge each other based on looks, words, actions, and faults. Yet, nothing of such even phases God. Not even our difficulties, downfalls, mistakes, etc. The love of God far surpasses any human love that can be given. No matter how many times we make a mistake, Jesus loves us. That's unconditional love. At it's finest.
I feel like i steal grace, but yet Jesus is standing arms wide open, offering his mercy. This should make us all strive not to fall, yet to get up when we do. Come boldly before the Throne right? Let's do it.
You've run the race, you did your best and what a race it's been
But have you tried leaning on the everlasting arms?
Have you tried coming to the Master as you are?
You say grace is free, but i feel like I steal it every day
I'm so unclean, look what this sinful life has done
But have you tried leaning on the everlasting arms?
Have you tried coming to the Master as you are?"
-Brandon Freeman
These lyrics written by my cousin echo my sentiments exactly.
Grace is new every morning. Yet somehow I feel we all abuse it. Every day.
That's why the love of God is so difficult to understand. We judge each other based on looks, words, actions, and faults. Yet, nothing of such even phases God. Not even our difficulties, downfalls, mistakes, etc. The love of God far surpasses any human love that can be given. No matter how many times we make a mistake, Jesus loves us. That's unconditional love. At it's finest.
I feel like i steal grace, but yet Jesus is standing arms wide open, offering his mercy. This should make us all strive not to fall, yet to get up when we do. Come boldly before the Throne right? Let's do it.
Mar 20, 2010
Reaching upward.
Maybe you've been a part of journey on a road in common with others.
Then you maybe realize that you need to take an alternate road.
But. You've been on that road for a while. You can't just leave them hanging.
But. Wonder if they're on the wrong road. Maybe you've found a better road. A, say, cleaner; less hazardous road.
Don't worry about the others. Go for the gold. No use settling for bronze.
Don't criticize those searching for a deeper walk with God.
Some people fear drawing closer to God and taking a step of faith in Christ because they're scared of what others might think.
"Oh well i know what he/she did last week, so that's just an act"
"We'll see how long this lasts......"
"He/she is just being condescending"
Do not look down upon those struggling. More so, don't look down upon those who make steps to better their spiritual life.
If they make a personal decision not to do something, not to partake in a popular joke, not to listen to certain things, or TO do certain things, like prayer or bible reading, don't criticize them. They'll get a blessing. Not you. But you will hurt them. Please, be aware of what you say.
Yet praise Him.
Then you maybe realize that you need to take an alternate road.
But. You've been on that road for a while. You can't just leave them hanging.
But. Wonder if they're on the wrong road. Maybe you've found a better road. A, say, cleaner; less hazardous road.
Don't worry about the others. Go for the gold. No use settling for bronze.
Don't criticize those searching for a deeper walk with God.
Some people fear drawing closer to God and taking a step of faith in Christ because they're scared of what others might think.
"Oh well i know what he/she did last week, so that's just an act"
"We'll see how long this lasts......"
"He/she is just being condescending"
Do not look down upon those struggling. More so, don't look down upon those who make steps to better their spiritual life.
If they make a personal decision not to do something, not to partake in a popular joke, not to listen to certain things, or TO do certain things, like prayer or bible reading, don't criticize them. They'll get a blessing. Not you. But you will hurt them. Please, be aware of what you say.
Yet praise Him.
Mar 15, 2010
That's What (The Bible) Said
God has set up systems of boundaries, or whatever you want to call them. Things in scriptures that we should abide by.
God doesn't kill us just because we break those boundaries. But. We can't be as close to Him.
When studying sexual purity, a scripture came up, and i'd say it's worth taking a look at.
Ephesians 5:3-5
3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God
I could blog many pages on that scripture. But i want to focus on a small percentage of that verse.
"Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place"
Out of that verse. I want to bring up a small percentage in today's world that deals with that verse. You've heard it a million times. I guarantee you've heard it this week. If not today. If not saying it yourself. Four little words. That are acid, destroying the barriers of God's acceptance lines.
That's what she said.
Now. Some may simply smile or chuckle at the very words. I know. I used to. I even said it. Numerous times. And laughed.
Is it appropriate? No. Ephesians 5:4 plainly states that it's not.
Those four words can cause the purest of statements to be taken the completely wrong way. It puts your mind into a sexual thought pattern, and draws you further away from God.
This isn't me on a pedestal or saying i'm better. I'm a peer. To all readers. Simply stating what's in the bible. How I, as much as any, should examine myself and check where things should be prioritized. Is not all sin, sin? I'm not perfect. Even since studying this, i've said it myself and fallen in to the social trap. I need work just as much as any.
A life not under construction is a life without purpose.
Let's diligently take a look at scriptures and apply them to our lives, shall we?
God doesn't kill us just because we break those boundaries. But. We can't be as close to Him.
When studying sexual purity, a scripture came up, and i'd say it's worth taking a look at.
Ephesians 5:3-5
3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God
I could blog many pages on that scripture. But i want to focus on a small percentage of that verse.
"Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place"
Out of that verse. I want to bring up a small percentage in today's world that deals with that verse. You've heard it a million times. I guarantee you've heard it this week. If not today. If not saying it yourself. Four little words. That are acid, destroying the barriers of God's acceptance lines.
That's what she said.
Now. Some may simply smile or chuckle at the very words. I know. I used to. I even said it. Numerous times. And laughed.
Is it appropriate? No. Ephesians 5:4 plainly states that it's not.
Those four words can cause the purest of statements to be taken the completely wrong way. It puts your mind into a sexual thought pattern, and draws you further away from God.
This isn't me on a pedestal or saying i'm better. I'm a peer. To all readers. Simply stating what's in the bible. How I, as much as any, should examine myself and check where things should be prioritized. Is not all sin, sin? I'm not perfect. Even since studying this, i've said it myself and fallen in to the social trap. I need work just as much as any.
A life not under construction is a life without purpose.
Let's diligently take a look at scriptures and apply them to our lives, shall we?
Mar 11, 2010
hit or miss
some may say it's not worth it
but to giving up, i can't commit
the sunshine of today is gone
but soon faded colors will be withdrawn
i've found a spark of violet beam
of just the thought makes my world gleam
is this true, real, heart-filled
or am i missing the effective build
juxtaposition of life and death
can leave one indebted for breath
to find the one true thing on earth
that always gives your day some worth
to find the one that brings a smile
that makes the long road all worthwhile
to do the thing most right of all
is what i strive for, if you recall
to bring happiness to all mankind
is something that the most won't find
but simply to one of great desired
passion pursued, the truth acquired
-SB
but to giving up, i can't commit
the sunshine of today is gone
but soon faded colors will be withdrawn
i've found a spark of violet beam
of just the thought makes my world gleam
is this true, real, heart-filled
or am i missing the effective build
juxtaposition of life and death
can leave one indebted for breath
to find the one true thing on earth
that always gives your day some worth
to find the one that brings a smile
that makes the long road all worthwhile
to do the thing most right of all
is what i strive for, if you recall
to bring happiness to all mankind
is something that the most won't find
but simply to one of great desired
passion pursued, the truth acquired
-SB
Mar 10, 2010
you
The day you walked out of my life, was the day my heart began to ache for you. For the wisdom you once carried. For your friendship. For your instruction. For your opinion.
You were my leader. You were my mentor. I looked up to you. I sought your guidance. You pushed me to become a better person. You were a constant reminder of how i could deepen my walk with God.
But you walked out of my life.
For what? Was it something I did? I don't know if I'll ever understand.
That's why I must lean on the everlasting arms. Thats why I come to the Master as I am. Heartbroken, and searching for answers.
In my eyes, a good leader is somebody who teaches someone something and leads them to become better, and if the leader falters and strays away, the person they once lead maintains their teachings. That's teaching. That's leading.
You invested something in my life. You helped me with life values. Now you're not here to see that i've carried them out. You're not here to see how much of an impact you've had on my life. You're not here to realize that that what you walked away from is incomparable. You'll never find happiness like the happiness you brought into my life.
Although you'll never read this, this isn't for you. This is for me. This is me trying to understand. And realizing I never will.
I can only hope one day you'll figure out what you want out of life.
I did something today that took every bit of strength in me to do. I went and saw you.
Not to confront you. Not to get you to come back to my life. Not to ask you what happened. Not to slander you. Not to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. But just to see you. Just to say hello. Just to tell you that I missed you. And that I care about you.
I'm not sure if you noticed, by my hands were shaking the whole time. I felt like puking the minute i walked in there. My heart rate was through the roof [not the kind of heart racing i prefer]. I tried to hide it. I tried not to show how weak i was.
I'm not sure if seeing you today did anything for you. But it helped me. After so long of not seeing you, it was just good to see you. I just hope i didn't do the wrong thing. I hope that you saw something you missed. I did. But that's not up to me. It's up to you. It may not ever be the same.
Nonetheless, not a day goes by where I don't think about you. Pray for you.
Step of faith: taken. Word spoken: obeyed. Mission accomplished. That's all that matters.
*God has given me peace. And that peace literally passes all understanding.
I have peace about the situation. And i wouldn't change a thing.
God's love is perfect. Even when i'm not strong.
Again.
God's love. is. perfect.
You were my leader. You were my mentor. I looked up to you. I sought your guidance. You pushed me to become a better person. You were a constant reminder of how i could deepen my walk with God.
But you walked out of my life.
For what? Was it something I did? I don't know if I'll ever understand.
That's why I must lean on the everlasting arms. Thats why I come to the Master as I am. Heartbroken, and searching for answers.
In my eyes, a good leader is somebody who teaches someone something and leads them to become better, and if the leader falters and strays away, the person they once lead maintains their teachings. That's teaching. That's leading.
You invested something in my life. You helped me with life values. Now you're not here to see that i've carried them out. You're not here to see how much of an impact you've had on my life. You're not here to realize that that what you walked away from is incomparable. You'll never find happiness like the happiness you brought into my life.
Although you'll never read this, this isn't for you. This is for me. This is me trying to understand. And realizing I never will.
I can only hope one day you'll figure out what you want out of life.
I did something today that took every bit of strength in me to do. I went and saw you.
Not to confront you. Not to get you to come back to my life. Not to ask you what happened. Not to slander you. Not to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. But just to see you. Just to say hello. Just to tell you that I missed you. And that I care about you.
I'm not sure if you noticed, by my hands were shaking the whole time. I felt like puking the minute i walked in there. My heart rate was through the roof [not the kind of heart racing i prefer]. I tried to hide it. I tried not to show how weak i was.
I'm not sure if seeing you today did anything for you. But it helped me. After so long of not seeing you, it was just good to see you. I just hope i didn't do the wrong thing. I hope that you saw something you missed. I did. But that's not up to me. It's up to you. It may not ever be the same.
Nonetheless, not a day goes by where I don't think about you. Pray for you.
Step of faith: taken. Word spoken: obeyed. Mission accomplished. That's all that matters.
*God has given me peace. And that peace literally passes all understanding.
I have peace about the situation. And i wouldn't change a thing.
God's love is perfect. Even when i'm not strong.
Again.
God's love. is. perfect.
Spring Chisel
So here i'm sitting at starbucks. People stroll in. People leave.
I got my homework done in like, a third of the expected time.
I just love coffee. I really do.
I love when people come in and say they have a "crazy order" and ask for a "caramel macchiato with two extra shots of expresso". Haha, It's ok. I won't judge. It's probably just a little too early.
Chillin' on the TDCCFVCWTWCDL's for now. It's not kosher half way through a 6 mile run. It screams at me.
I'll save it for the better times coming.
I know you think i'm like the.
But.
Ab Eb Bb
I can't wait.
The smile.
The heartbeat.
Concentrating in class yesterday was really hard. I focus in class very well. But sometimes more important things chisel at my thought patterns. Chiseling was done yesterday.
Mar 6, 2010
Happiness Can Linger
Good times are on the way. I can feel them.
It's been god awful quiet today. For many reasons.
The lack of contact i've had with other humans today has taken a toll on me, mentally. Everybody was out of the house most of the day. And when [they] were there, i wasn't.
I don't want to sound like it's been a terrible day. It hasn't. I've got a ton of things done, and caught up on many things. I'll catch up on sleep later!
Nonetheless,
Not much calling. Not much texting. Not much talking. Not much interacting. Not much seeing.
A lot of homework. A lot of translating. A lot of analyzing. A lot of facebook stalking. A lot of looking up words in the dictionary. A lot of thinking. A lot of planning. A lot of typing.
Some running. Some drinking coffee. Some driving. Some lifting. Some eating. Some soreness.
Sometimes i hear songs on the radio and throw out the numbers to the chords they're playing. I'm just. Different at times.
I accept it. Sometimes i over-analyze how little variation there is in the top 40 songs. Lyrically; musically.
Current song: 1. 6. 4. 5. 1. 6. 4. 5. 1. 6. 4. 5. 1. 6. 4. 5. 1. 6. 4. 5.
The spanish language is attracting me more and more each day. It's like a relationship. Except i'm doing all of the 'getting to know' part with the language. It's already set. It knows what it likes and has it's own rules. So it's not as fun as. But, still.
For the record. I'm not going to Argentina next semester. I'm sure i'll post a...post...later about it. Bottom line. It wasn't the will of God. And i'm happy. Good decision.
Can't wait for some sun. And some beach. And some water.
It's been god awful quiet today. For many reasons.
The lack of contact i've had with other humans today has taken a toll on me, mentally. Everybody was out of the house most of the day. And when [they] were there, i wasn't.
I don't want to sound like it's been a terrible day. It hasn't. I've got a ton of things done, and caught up on many things. I'll catch up on sleep later!
Nonetheless,
Not much calling. Not much texting. Not much talking. Not much interacting. Not much seeing.
A lot of homework. A lot of translating. A lot of analyzing. A lot of facebook stalking. A lot of looking up words in the dictionary. A lot of thinking. A lot of planning. A lot of typing.
Some running. Some drinking coffee. Some driving. Some lifting. Some eating. Some soreness.
Sometimes i hear songs on the radio and throw out the numbers to the chords they're playing. I'm just. Different at times.
I accept it. Sometimes i over-analyze how little variation there is in the top 40 songs. Lyrically; musically.
Current song: 1. 6. 4. 5. 1. 6. 4. 5. 1. 6. 4. 5. 1. 6. 4. 5. 1. 6. 4. 5.
The spanish language is attracting me more and more each day. It's like a relationship. Except i'm doing all of the 'getting to know' part with the language. It's already set. It knows what it likes and has it's own rules. So it's not as fun as. But, still.
For the record. I'm not going to Argentina next semester. I'm sure i'll post a...post...later about it. Bottom line. It wasn't the will of God. And i'm happy. Good decision.
Can't wait for some sun. And some beach. And some water.
Mar 5, 2010
Profile of Righteousness
The thought of "less of me, and more of You" may seem cliché, but it's crazy awesome.
I've been waking up with my mind on the things of God more than i believe i ever have.
I've been praying and seeking the will of God more than i ever have. I believe i'm on my way to personal revival. iyfd.
Ye shall know them by their fruits. So true. If that doesn't make you question your life and strive for change, it should.
Last night, I began on a journey with 11 other guys that will give us deeper roots, farther sight, bigger goals, and take us higher in our personal walk with God.
The subject: sexual purity.
For too long men have been quiet about the subject. For too long, fathers, sons, pastors, friends, brothers, etc. have stuck to, what is unofficially known as The Silent Code.
This 'code' is unofficially known by most guys. It basically states that any joke or funny conversation about sex is fine, but when a serious subject comes up, plead the 5th.
Not talking about what most guys deal with is detrimental.
Example. It'd be like a football team that has a terrible defensive line. The QB gets sacked 13 times a game, and the ball is never thrown or carried without a turnover. The team would address the issue and talk about it right? They wouldn't just assume it'd get better. That'd be insanity.
The same concept should be applied in dealing with sexual morality or purity [which is one in the same].
Ephesians 5 states exactly what God feels:
3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.a]" style="line-height: 0.5em; ">[a] 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them.
Strong? To some it may seem so. But I'm gonna take the Bible's side with this one. It's plainly stated, and we should obey it. This journey is an 8 week study on the book "Every Young Man's Battle". If you haven't read it, you should.
God impressed me about a year ago that he wanted me to work on this subject with others. I felt that God gave me a big opportunity, yet a large task. Discussions yes, can be awkward, but i'll take awkward over people losing their soul any day of my life. This is me owning the devil and super sizing my spiritual walk with God [and leading others].
It's gonna be an awesome ride. An amazing journey with 11 other guys that I am very serious about helping to deal with what every guy deals with.
Mar 4, 2010
ramblings of the searching.
What can be separated by distance or time?
Many things can. But some things can't.
Some things are unstoppable. That is, in my mind.
At times i have things in my mind worked out, but haven't verbally talked it through.
Questions still permeate my core.
How can one express through words that which cannot be said, but merely felt?
The first time I ever got pulled over, I was going the wrong way on a one way street.
Life generally is two way streets. Make sure you know what kind of road you're traveling on.
I'm a big fan of my heart racing, for many reasons. I'm all about adventure, thrill, adrenaline. Anything i can get into that involves such things, i will. That's why i'm never scared of roller coasters, and one day I will go sky diving.
Sometimes it doesn't take jumping out of a plane to get a rush, sometimes its just a smile.
What i try not to do is jump before making sure my parachute is strapped on. Preparation = key to life. Go with the flow, live life to the fullest, sure. But without a string to hold down the kite, the kite would fly out of control. I pray for the string to guide my life. I pray for those around me. Although i may not know what others' kites are being held by, I maintain mine in hopes it'll fly higher than it could ever by leading it alone.
Direction, prayer, and worship has guided my life throughout the past few weeks. It's amazing what happens when you pray [every day].
Things can just, change. On a dime. You begin to realize things. Notice things. Complacency fades. Priorities are edited.
As Microsoft Word gives us a great example, I want to "save changes".
I want to continue this path that i'm on. Life is a highway. And i want to ride it.
This is the journey. He said he misses the thrill. I'm in the thrill. And i love it.
The not knowing. The pursuing. The reaching. The sending. The hopes. The pure joy. Occasional affirmation. It's all good.
Your eyes are proof enough that there is more to life than chasing fairy tales that change like butterflies.
Feb 10, 2010
el sentimiento
So here i am. Currently analyzing poems in Spanish.
As boring as that may seem to some, I love it. The art of words, the art of words in another language, and understanding it. Interpretation.
My two classes in spanish this semester: Interpretation; Intro. to Spanish literature.
What have I had on my mind this week involving spanish? Glad you asked.
Grad school. For spanish. To get my masters (obviously).
Every day, my love for the spanish language is growing.
...it seems like a race...
Currently, i'm a nursing/spanish double major. It seems each day i'm directed more and more to the spanish language, and away from the medical field. Although i've wanted to be a nurse for many years, my love for language is outrunning my love for medicine. I think Spanish just might have lapped medicine a couple times.
this is where careful consideration/prayer/seeking for direction is coming in.
There's just not a feeling like talking to somebody in spanish and their face lights up because you speak their language. It's a connection. Connecting two worlds. Two cultures.
Some people just can't feel that, and will never experience that. But i can [and do].
Mi vida está en las manos de Dios.
lléname, lávame, Señor
te busco, te quiero
manda la lluvia
manda la lluvia Señor
manda la lluvia
yo quiero verte en este lugar.
Feb 9, 2010
i could go for a [thousand] hugs
I know you think I'm like the other guy, let him in and he breaks your heart again.
But this thing's more than physical, I'll free your mind, and I'll bless your soul.
Facebook fast for three days. Jesus be an update.
We really are a social networking world. I mean, my dad. Ron Boyte. Is on twitter. Who would have thunk it? Besides that. Me and the mother are responding back and forth to each other on twitter, literally sitting next to each other. Oh man. haha. I love her.
And there are four macbooks sitting on our dinner table right now. Hwow.
6 years ago, youtube, twitter, myspace, and facebook did not exist. Yeah. seriously.
I really like hugs.
So, i sent in my application today for studying abroad. I'll be studying abroad in Buenos Aires, Argentina. For 6 months. It's finna be intense. I'm gonna miss people like crazy. No. Seriously. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.
And the application fee was 95 dollars. E.
Sometimes i sing at the top of my lungs in the shower. Literally.
Butterflies can see red, green, and yellow.
Feb 8, 2010
brokenness assessment
Phew. *lets out sigh of relief* for some odd reason, i completely forgot my username and password to update this piece. thank you gmail retrieval.
Anywho.
Why is it that when a person is broken before the Lord, people automatically assume there's something wrong? When did it become alarming to simply weep at the altar? Sometimes this is the case with christians. Somebody is praying at the altar, and they're completely broken and sobbing, and we think "i wonder what they did", or "i wonder what she's dealing with at home".
News flash. We're all dealing with stuff.
I think more people should weep before the Lord. You know why? That's sincerity. Being "tough" about situations and holding your own without showing your true feelings is detrimental.
When I see somebody come to the altar and cry and pray harder that I've ever seen them, yes, they might be dealing with something, but I view that as simply one step closer to God.
When you're in the presence of God and his anointing falls, it's really hard to keep your composure, in all honesty. What concerns me is the people that you never see show emotion. The people that always 'seem' to have it together. Never cry.
Bro. Kurz really inspired me on Sunday. He challenged us about prayer, bible reading, brokenness, sensitivity, and giving every part of yourself to God.
This week I am challenging myself to look at my own self through God's eyes, and to compare my life now to what He wants.
I am going to assess my "word" and my "number".
Everybody has a word that describes their spiritual live in the category of Bible reading. What's your word? Passionate? Uphill? Lacking? Eager? Hungry? Never? Seldom?
You know your word, or maybe you have an idea on a couple. What if your word was posted on the internet? Would you be ashamed?
These are questions I will be assessing this week.
Everybody also has a number, that describes how many minutes a day they pray. What's your number? 0 min? 15 min? 60 min?
If you don't like your number, change it.
If you don't like your word, change it.
I'm striving to be proud of my word and number.
Remember, if we want to do something, we do it.
We will always do what we value most in life.
If you value work, you work. If you value food, you eat.
If you don't value spending time with God, you won't pray or read your bible.
These are very strong [and very true] statements about daily life as a Christian.
Statements i'm working on personally and will continue to.
Consistency will always outrun complacency. Lord, help me to be consistent.
It's unthinkable, but I still believe.
Jan 24, 2010
various.
Two words: Andy Mckee.
If you've never heard of him, check him out. He has the most relaxing music in the world. His sweet guitar melodies can make you go away 'drifting'.
Church was fantastic this morning and tonight. This morning, learned about faith. Today, learned that God has my back. Tonight, learned about respecting the house of God. Incredible worship services and altar calls. And it's altar, not alter.
Word to the wise: don't break a 7 day Daniel's fast on a chinese buffet.
Word of the day: chortle.
I love laughing until I cry.
Pray for your friends. It seems like, 'duh'. But seriously. Pray for those close to you, it will make you feel more connected. And it's also a good idea for them too. We all could use prayer.
I can't wait to donate plasma. Hopefully this week.
And i still need a new wallet.
Rambling done.
Psalms 91
Jan 23, 2010
Why should I, when Jesus is my portion?
Ever have those moments where you don't have a clue what you're doing in life?
People you just can't seem to figure out?
Chord charts you just can't seem to find?
Blogs that most people don't read?
Problems you just can't seem to solve?
Knuckles you just can't seem to crack?
Socks that just seemed to grow legs and walk away?
Cars that will never be perfect?
Bible verses that you can't figure out to save your life?
Song lyrics that you can't seem to finish?
Races that seem so far out of your grasp?
Physique that's just unattainable?
Understanding you just can't seem to find?
Mind games?
Voice of God vs. voice of reasoning vs. voice of flesh?
¿Amigos que están fuera, pero también dentro?
Facebook friends that you've never met?
Picture frames that still have no pictures?
Friends in other cities, states, countries?
Battery life that just never seems to cut it?
People that can't seem to let it go?
People that just don't understand?
Insecurity diced with confidence?
Books that still have to be read?
Walls that are still barren?
Never knowing what could/would have happened?
The outfit you've never worn?
The key that always sticks?
The piano that's out of tune?
Pillows without cases?
Health without insurance?
Broken strings?
Fixed items that can't be brought home?
This isn't me complaining, it's me being transparent. These are [random] things that people deal with and question. Yes, i am questioning, but not all of these are mine. But people will question, somewhere, one day. Ever just have those moments? Those ideas? Those questions? Those lost moments?
During these questions. You must ask yourself. Where are your priorities? What's most important to you from-out of-during-in life? Are these problems going to hold you down, or cause you to rise? Will you realize you have it better than 80%?
So, who are you? Who will you be?
Targets that are clear out of range can be shot at, but they will be missed.
Carpe diem.
Have you tried leaning on the everlasting arms, or coming to the Master as you are?
Jesus said follow Me, and let the dead bury their dead.
The birds of the air do not sew nor reap nor gather food in bards, for their heavenly Father feeds them.
The lilies of the field do not toil nor spin, and even Solomon was not arrayed as these.
"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" - Jesus
take it slow.
yesterday's post was for thursday!
so this is for today (saturday) and friday :)
When I think of the goodness of Jesus and all he has done for me, my soul cries out hallelujah! When I think about the Lord, how He saved me how He raised me, how He filled me with the holy ghost, how He healed me to the uttermost, when I think about the Lord, how He picked me up and turned me around, how He placed my feet on solid ground, it makes me wanna SHOUT hallelujah, thank you Jesus, Lord you're worthy of all the glory and all the honor and all the praise!
If you've never done a Daniel's fast, it really is rather difficult. I think in some ways it's almost easier doing a total fast. With the Daniel's fast, you need to be constantly aware of what you're putting in to your body. Foods to avoid: meat, dairy (any animal product), any sweeteners, any soda/coffee/tea, processed food, any leavened bread, fried food and solid fats. SO, that's a lot to take in. Foods to include: fruits, veggies, whole grains, nuts, seeds, legumes, quality oils, and various spices.
This is time to put our worldly flesh in submission to the will of God. Honestly, i've wanted to quit this 7 day daniel fast like 50 times throughout this week, but I said no. I've lasted this far and there's no use quitting now.
I'm getting excited for my future. My future has eventual goals (work, marriage, prosperous life, etc, you know, the norm), but goals are ambiguous. My life is so in the hands of God, and each of my future goals are totally dependent on Him. Now, the journey. Yes. The journey. That's the fun part. *break for musical interlude*
K. just had to listen to Ahmir sing for a second. Where was I? Oh. Yes. The journey. In the words of Miley Cyrus, ''it ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side, it's the climb''. Not a big Miley fan, but I am a fan of good lyrics (and them are good lyrics). I have a tendency to look to far into my future. For example, what classes should i take this semester? i need to get this many to graduate, then i want to get out by this date because i wanna be out of school by this day...etc. Yes, planning is a good thing. But rolling with the punches is good too. College is a time where you have to be yourself and live life to the fullest. I'll eventually get out and live the rest of my life in the "real" world. But I also have the choice to let God lead me and guide me. I'd rather err on the side with the Big Man. So if you're in my life, and i'm in your life, lets not worry about what's gonna happen 5 years from now. Let's worry about what we're doing today! God's my primary focus! Ultimate goal=heaven. The rest will play out!
Maybe i'm rambling, idk. It's early, so it's possible.
Anyways, "Jonathan" project @ church today (more on that later), and a bible quizzing event this morning! :) fun times.
Remember, we're just ordinary people.
Jan 22, 2010
joy.
i love my friends, seriously. they are all great people.
casey wells seriously makes me laugh every day of my life. I DID LIKE 40 CRUNCHES TODAY!
great youth service tonight. 3 years ago i said i'd never worship lead (that obviously didn't hold up lol). and i also said idk if i could ever preach or teach (if there's a difference), and i spoke in youth tonight. we'll see where that goes.
thanks be to God.
great youth service tonight. 3 years ago i said i'd never worship lead (that obviously didn't hold up lol). and i also said idk if i could ever preach or teach (if there's a difference), and i spoke in youth tonight. we'll see where that goes.
thanks be to God.
day four of daniels fast.
it's agonizing. it really is.
now help me dance the dance of freedom
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