i am not my own

Sometimes the will of God isn't easy. Sometimes it straight up sucks.
Sometimes it comes in and changes all your plans.
But you have to listen. As much as it hurts.
I can't deal with the thought of hurting others.
The pain in that is, at times, worse than my own.

It catches me different ways. It comes in waves.
Everything will be alright. Sometime it will be better. Somehow it will ease. Someway it will be easier.

I know God has me in His hands, and He knows what he's doing. And i have to trust in that. I have to. If i don't, it seems like i'm living in oblivion and in an endless sea of questions [because that's what it feels like in my life right now], but i rely not on myself but on that of which is *jealous for me.

God cannot lie. And when He told me He has a will for my life, he wasn't kidding. At times my life feels like a string of jokes. But it's no joke. I may not understand what God is doing or why it feels like as soon as I know where i'm going, everything changes. But i must trust. True trust comes when we don't understand.

I'll trust You. Lord, it's not easy. Sometimes the pain in my life makes You seem far away. But I'll trust You.

I am not my own. For I was bought with a price.