you

The day you walked out of my life, was the day my heart began to ache for you. For the wisdom you once carried. For your friendship. For your instruction. For your opinion.
You were my leader. You were my mentor. I looked up to you. I sought your guidance. You pushed me to become a better person. You were a constant reminder of how i could deepen my walk with God.
But you walked out of my life.
For what? Was it something I did? I don't know if I'll ever understand.
That's why I must lean on the everlasting arms. Thats why I come to the Master as I am. Heartbroken, and searching for answers.
In my eyes, a good leader is somebody who teaches someone something and leads them to become better, and if the leader falters and strays away, the person they once lead maintains their teachings. That's teaching. That's leading.
You invested something in my life. You helped me with life values. Now you're not here to see that i've carried them out. You're not here to see how much of an impact you've had on my life. You're not here to realize that that what you walked away from is incomparable. You'll never find happiness like the happiness you brought into my life.
Although you'll never read this, this isn't for you. This is for me. This is me trying to understand. And realizing I never will.
I can only hope one day you'll figure out what you want out of life.
I did something today that took every bit of strength in me to do. I went and saw you.
Not to confront you. Not to get you to come back to my life. Not to ask you what happened. Not to slander you. Not to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. But just to see you. Just to say hello. Just to tell you that I missed you. And that I care about you.
I'm not sure if you noticed, by my hands were shaking the whole time. I felt like puking the minute i walked in there. My heart rate was through the roof [not the kind of heart racing i prefer]. I tried to hide it. I tried not to show how weak i was.
I'm not sure if seeing you today did anything for you. But it helped me. After so long of not seeing you, it was just good to see you. I just hope i didn't do the wrong thing. I hope that you saw something you missed. I did. But that's not up to me. It's up to you. It may not ever be the same.
Nonetheless, not a day goes by where I don't think about you. Pray for you.

Step of faith: taken. Word spoken: obeyed. Mission accomplished. That's all that matters.

*God has given me peace. And that peace literally passes all understanding.
I have peace about the situation. And i wouldn't change a thing.
God's love is perfect. Even when i'm not strong.
Again.

God's love. is. perfect.